Uniting Hearts: Discovering Me #3 Read online

  Meredith’s arrival at one was well-timed, because my stomach was growling for lunch. I typically ate between twelve and twelve-thirty, unless I got distracted in the workshop, and routines were good for me. I also told Meredith the same thing about Bethann that I’d told others all day: mother and baby are fine.

  I left the shop and locked the downstairs door behind me. As I turned toward the stairs, I glanced out the exterior door and startled at the sight of my car parked next to Jeremy’s van. They were back from the hospital? Jeremy hadn’t texted to let me know they were here already. I honestly thought they’d spend some time with the newborn before Bethann settled in with us.

  More curious than annoyed, I ascended the stairs to the second floor. Jeremy was watching TV on the sofa, and he waved at me when he noticed my presence. “Hey, you,” he said. “I left a sandwich for you on the counter. Figured you’d be hungry when you came up.”

  I spotted the plate. “Did you leave Bethann at the hospital with the baby?”

  “No, she’s upstairs napping.” He stood and sat next to me at the counter, where he’d prepared a heaping roast beef sandwich and a scoop of macaroni salad for me. I took a big bite of the sandwich. “She still doesn’t know what she wants, Cole. The baby, I mean. She hasn’t seen her yet at all, and that worries me.”

  “Because you think she’ll give up the baby?”

  “Yeah. And I respect that it’s her decision, I really do. I’ll support whatever she wants, and I’ve told her that, but…”

  I put my free hand over Jeremy’s, concerned by how upset he seemed over this when it wasn’t his baby in question. “What?”

  “I’ve never seen her so depressed and down before. Not once in all the years I’ve known her, and it scares me a little. When we got to her apartment, someone had left a pink balloon on her doorknob, and it really upset her.”

  “That sucks. People know she isn’t sure what she wants to do, so that was kind of shitty of a neighbor.”

  “Really shitty. I just hope she makes a decision she can live with.”

  “Me too.” I ate some of the macaroni salad before describing my morning. “I’m surprised you didn’t let me know you guys were back.”

  “I’m sorry.” He snatched a stray bit of meat off my plate. “We haven’t been back that long. I made Bethann eat some toast and jelly before she went to sleep, and then I made plates for you and me. I was going to bring yours down to you, but I ended up zoning out, and then it was quarter-to-one anyway, so I ate mine and left yours out so you could eat when you came up.”

  The earnest way he said all that earned immediate forgiveness. Not that he’d done anything wrong. Bethann was going to be a huge distraction for him this week, so I’d step up as his partner and make sure Jeremy got all the support he needed in order to support Bethann.

  “Making me a sandwich was very thoughtful, thank you,” I said. “Do you know if she plans on seeing the baby later today?”

  “She didn’t mention it. I only got a quick look but the baby is adorable. Tiny and bald, but adorable.”

  “I can’t imagine how small she is.” I had zero experience with babies, being an only child with no other relatives close by. And none of the few friends I’d had growing up paid much attention to any younger siblings they had. I never wanted to be a parent, not after growing up the way I did. “Not everyone is meant to be a parent, Jeremy. I understand why Bethann didn’t want to get an abortion, but she’s the one who’s got to make the choice to keep the baby.”

  Jeremy’s dark eyes flashed with something close to annoyance, but he was always so even-tempered I wasn’t quite sure. Some of his tells were still hard for me to pick up on. “No, not everyone is meant to be a parent, and I’m not trying to influence Bethann’s decision. I won’t force her to see the baby if she doesn’t want to.”

  “I know you won’t, that’s not what I meant.” I put my half-eaten sandwich down and angled to face him more fully. “I meant that just because a person has the equipment to create a baby, that doesn’t mean they’re equipped to raise one.”

  “Are you talking about yourself or Bethann.”

  “Both. She’s said since the pregnancy came out that she doesn’t want to be a single mom, and I bet being a single mom to a preemie is even more of a challenge. Maybe the baby would be better off if she was adopted by a capable family.”

  “Maybe.” His lips twisted into a frown, as if he’d already fallen in love with the newborn and detested the idea of giving her up—even though she wasn’t his to give up or keep. “Guess it’s a good thing Adam signed away his parental rights, so Bethann is in charge of making that decision.”

  Adam Wilde was the biological father, but he was also a married father of four other kids, and part of a well-known family in Franklin. While Bethann had never publicly named him as the father, Jeremy had helped her hire a lawyer to secure sole parental rights over her unborn child, and Adam had quickly signed the papers to avoid a future scandal. The few times I’d seen Adam around town since, he’d studiously avoided eye contact.

  “What do you think the odds are she’ll keep the baby?” I asked. Especially now that she was set up in our home for the foreseeable future, cozied up next to the guy she’d originally named as the baby daddy. The guy she’d quietly fallen in love with and had admitted to loving back in February.

  A guy I was pretty sure she was still in love with. But Jeremy was with me right now.

  “Not great,” he replied with a sigh. “She’s got friends, and she knows you and I support her, but she’s worried about ever finding a man to love as a single mom. Worried about being single forever.”

  “Damn, and I thought she was selfish before. More worried about some future husband than her own kid?”

  His frown intensified. “It’s not an unfounded fear, Cole.”

  “Maybe if she hadn’t spent the last four years in love with you, she’d have had more luck with men and not ended up in this situation. She made choices and these are the consequences.”

  Jeremy pushed back his stool but didn’t stand. Instead, he studied me until I squirmed. “Where is this judgmental side of you coming from?”

  From all of my insecurity about you and us, and how Bethann being here changes everything, and I don’t know how to explain it all.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, even though I really wasn’t. “There’s just been a lot to absorb in the last twenty-four hours. The baby coming early, a new roommate.” The land sale I haven’t told you about yet. And that secret dinged my anxiety bell hard.

  “Ah ha.” Jeremy took my free hand in a familiar, sure grip. “You’re not okay with Bethann living here because of her old crush on me.”

  “It wasn’t just a crush. She admitted to comparing everyone else she’s dated to you. To being in love with you, Jeremy. I just…” I drew strength from his warmth and gentle expression. “You know I suck at saying what I want, and I will never demand you kick her out while the baby is still so young, but I’m scared she’ll use living here to weasel back into your life in a way that squeezes me out.”

  “Oh, babe, never.” Jeremy brushed his lips across mine. “I love you and only you. And as much as I love Bethann like a sister, that’s all I think of her as, and all I ever will. I promise. You and me, we’re in this together. Do you believe me?”

  “Yes.” I stood, and he met me for a tight hug. I inhaled the familiar scents of the man I loved and trusted with my heart, body, and safety. Jeremy Collins had shown me what real love was and how amazing it could be. That relationships weren’t about fear and coercion and pain. That they were beautiful and kind and patient. “Yes, I believe you, thank you. I hate that you still have to reassure me about us.”

  “I don’t hate it. Reassuring you means you’re still here, with me, and not in some far-flung place hiding from the world and your own fears. And Bethann knows where I stand with you and with her. She might be clingy for a while, though, so be patient with us both?”


  “I’ll try.” And I would. I’d do anything for Jeremy, and if putting up with Bethann in our home for a few weeks made him happy, I’d suck it up and smile. I might also grit my teeth but I’d smile.

  “Thank you.” Jeremy pulled back, grinning now. “Are we back on the same page? No agendas, no secrets?”

  My stomach soured from the one small (okay, kinda big) secret I was keeping from him, but I was too scared of jinxing the sale to speak up. Besides, showing him the official signed papers on Friday had me seriously looking forward to the rest of the week, and he wouldn’t have to spend any time agonizing over the sale possibly falling through again.

  “Yeah, we’re on the same page.” I kissed him softly, then with a bit more intent.

  Jeremy’s phone interrupted any future friskiness with the ringtone for the shop’s land line. He pretended to sulk as he answered it. “Hey, Meredith.” He listened for close to a minute before interrupting. “Okay, it’s fine, I’ll come down and handle it. See you in a sec.”

  “Let me guess. Tourist being an asshole?”

  “Sounds like it. Someone’s insisting the prices on my pre-war Lionel #42 locomotive is outrageous and isn’t satisfied with the standard ten-percent discount, and they’re asking to speak to the owner.”

  “The joys of running your own business.”

  He snorted as he headed for the stairs. I finished my lunch and carefully washed the plate, before setting it in the counter drying rack. Despite having a dishwasher, we rarely used it. Washing and drying the dishes after dinner had become a bit of a routine for us, and I enjoyed it—even though the first time I’d done dishes in this kitchen, I’d accidentally splashed the floor with water and had a minor panic attack, positive I was about to get slapped for being so careless.

  But Jeremy had never once raised his voice to me, much less a hand. And I truly believed he never would.

  While Jeremy was downstairs handling his problem customer, I rummaged around in the fridge and pantry for ingredients. We needed to go shopping anyhow, and I always budgeted for two mouths, not three, so tonight would be a potluck of sorts, unless I ran down to the Food Mart. I grabbed the magnetic notepad off the fridge, found a pen in the junk drawer, and started making a list. When Bethann came down, I’d ask her if she had any particular dislikes or allergies, because I honestly didn’t know. We’d rarely shared a meal together in the eight months we’d known each other.

  “Are you feeling anything special for dinner this week?” I asked Jeremy when he came back up. “I need to go shopping.”

  “Isn’t it my turn to go?” He looked over my shoulder at the list I’d made, his chest a familiar, warm press against my back. Comforting now, when that position used to make me feel trapped.

  “Probably, but I don’t mind. Is Bethann allergic to anything?”

  “She has a minor allergy to shellfish, but nowhere near as bad as Lulu.”

  Not bad enough to send her into anaphylactic shock and kill her like it killed Lulu hung unspoken off the end of his comment.

  “Good to know,” I said. “We almost never buy seafood anyway.” The Food Mart only carried a small selection of frozen fish and shrimp, and we only made treks to the nearest Walmart once a month for staples. “Anything you think Bethann might like to have around? Snacks and stuff?”

  “That’s a very thoughtful question.” He rubbed his nose against the side of my neck, and my body started taking direct notice of his proximity. “Let’s ask her when she wakes up. She’s emotional right now, and I don’t want to guess the wrong thing.”

  “Good point.” I spun around, list forgotten and pressed more fully against Jeremy’s work-muscled chest. He was a slender guy but toned from years rummaging around properties and hauling rusty gold around from place to place, and I loved how we fit together. Martin had been taller, broader, stronger, and he knew it. Handsome, and he knew that too. Jeremy was splendidly average in all the right ways, and he was mine.

  “Everything go okay with the customer?” I asked.

  “Mmmhmm.” He thrust his groin against my growing erection, eyes fixed on my lips so I licked them. “Just another guy with money who thinks he’s always right.”

  “One of those.” I squeezed his taut ass cheeks through his worn jeans, intent now. It had been over a week since I’d fucked him properly, and maybe now wasn’t the time—not with Bethann upstairs napping—but maybe we could work in a quickie. I loved watching Jeremy come apart on my dick, riding me hard before rolling onto his back so I could fuck him properly.

  A sharp creak on the stairs from the third floor dumped a bucket of ice water on that idea. Bethann was awake. We shared a quick kiss before pulling apart, and my wood faded fast. Bethann appeared a moment later, dressed in loose sweats, her short hair an uncombed mess. She looked like she was still pregnant, and I don’t know why I assumed she’d be more slender so soon after giving birth.

  Because you have no practical experience around pregnant women, dummy.

  She shuffled slowly across the wood floor to one of the armchairs and sank into it with a deep groan. “All these stairs are killing me,” she grumped.

  “Well, you just gave birth,” Jeremy replied. “I imagine you’ll be sore for a few days. Want something to drink?”

  “Sweet tea would be heavenly, thanks.”

  I felt a bit like a ghost for all she’d acknowledged my presence, and I stood silently by the counter while Jeremy poured her a glass from the pitcher we always had in the fridge. I liked it in moderation but Jeremy was addicted to the stuff during the hot summer months.

  He took the glass over and hovered a bit while she sipped. “Are you hungry? I can fix you a snack, since dinner won’t be for a while yet.”

  “Maybe a cheese sandwich or something?” she replied.

  “We have any cheese left in the fridge, but Cole is putting together a shopping list and wanted to ask if there was anything you wanted.”

  She finally looked my way, surprised. “Oh. Thanks.”

  “Sure,” I said, perfectly able to play gracious host on her first day here. “What kind of cheese do you like?”

  “Those individually wrapped singles are fine. And honey mustard?”

  We had regular mustard but not honey mustard, so I added both to the list. “Anything else? Snacks? Fruit?”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t even think to bring my own food.”

  “I can go back to your apartment,” Jeremy said. “Pick up whatever’s there you want, especially stuff in the fridge that might spoil.”

  “You’d do that?” She practically batted her eyelashes at him in a way I didn’t like.

  “I can do it,” I said with a bit more force than intended. “I’m going to the store anyway, so I’ll swing by your place first. It’ll save Jeremy another trip out.”

  “You really don’t have to.”

  Oh, but Jeremy can?

  “I don’t mind at all. Like I said, I’m going out anyway, because we need groceries. Our cupboards are a bit bare.”

  “Okay.”

  “Great.”

  I’d been to Bethann’s apartment twice, both times this past spring because she’d needed Jeremy’s help fixing something, and I’d gone along to keep an eye on her. I’d still been working on trusting her again after the “I’m in love with Jeremy” incident. So I finished my own list and headed out with a cooler for Bethann’s stuff.

  Her actual fridge was mostly empty, except for the cheese slices, honey mustard, mayo, some brown bananas, and an almost-gone loaf of white bread. Curious, I glanced into her cupboards and found boxed rice, a few cans of beans, tuna, and mixed vegetables, and a case of ramen noodles. The freezer had two ice cube trays and a box of cherry popsicles.

  Jesus. Was this why she’d hesitated when I volunteered to get her food? She didn’t want me to see how poor she was? I couldn’t possibly judge her for this meager amount of food when I’d spent two years on the run from my ex, eating whatever I could afford on any giv
en day. I’d eaten in soup kitchens more times than I could count.

  I left the shelf-stable stuff behind and packed the other food into the cooler, which was way too big for what little she had. And it made me re-think my image of Bethann a bit. I knew she lived paycheck-to-paycheck like most residents of Franklin, subsisting on her hours at the Sow’s Ear, but damn. No wonder she didn’t think she could care for an infant if she could barely get by on her own.

  Sympathy hit me in waves, and I had to sit for a moment to collect myself, overwhelmed by discovering this carefully concealed secret.

  One neighbor tried to pester me on my way out, but I gave him the standard line, unsure if Bethann had given anyone else in town more information. I hadn’t thought to ask before I left, so better safe than sorry. The last thing I wanted was to be the one who started rumors.

  The Food Mart was one of the last of the small, locally-owned, mom-and-pop grocery stores, and it was probably kept alive by the older town residents who didn’t feel like driving far and dealing with the crowds at big box stores. It had a serviceable selection of most things, plus a deli counter and a butcher who knew exactly how thick regulars liked their steaks cut. Only two checkout lanes but they were both rarely manned at the same time. I got a cart and went about checking things off my carefully ordered list, one at a time.

  The only person who openly pestered me was George, who worked the deli and was one of the owners. I deflected his questions while he sliced up orders of roast beef, turkey, and ham. I was nearly done when Jeremy texted that Bethann wanted grilled cheese and tomato soup for dinner, so I swung back to get another pack of singles and a few cans of tomato soup. Jeremy and I kept bags of shredded cheddar on-hand for our grilled cheese, but Bethann was probably used to her singles.

  Bethann was dozing on the couch when I got home, and Jeremy helped me unload and put things away. We still had another two hours or so before dinner, so I asked Jeremy if he wanted to head down to the workshop with me. Sometimes he’d sort things for online sales while I worked on my projects. He turned me down, not wanting Bethann to wake up alone. So I went outside and played games on my phone because I still had no inspiration for my bench.