Weight of Silence: (Cost of Repairs #3) Read online

  Or before he came in his jeans in the middle of a crowd of people, which was not an acceptable outcome.

  Gavin, with his uncanny ability to notice things, leaned down, breath hot against Jace’s ear. “You want to get out of here?” he asked.

  “Hell, yes.” Jace didn’t know exactly what “get out of here” entailed, but various parts of his body insisted that sex of some kind be involved.

  They found their host on a couch in the den, his hand up the blouse of a girl whose bad eye makeup and blotchy skin suggested she was not the aforementioned (and lusted after) Julia Franz. Casper waved them off with a mumbled goodbye then went back to seducing his consolation prize. Gavin laughed as they went in search of their coats, clearly amused by what was probably standard behavior. Jace wasn’t sure what to think of Casper and decided he’d rather not think about him at all for the rest of the night.

  It was after midnight by the time they tumbled through the cold night and into the Jeep. Gavin cranked up the heat as he turned around and headed back toward the road, amazed he’d managed that much without some sort of accident. His fingers drummed against the steering wheel, betraying the nervous energy that had been present since the moment he saw Jace standing on the sidewalk, looking so attractive in his LL Bean jacket. His anxiety had only grown over the course of the evening, especially after he’d felt Jace’s wood and knew he’d guessed correctly.

  Jace wanted him. And good God, he wanted Jace right back.

  He turned slowly onto Tillman Road. “Any place you want to go?”

  Jace swallowed audibly. “Um, not really.” He was nervous too, unsure about the next steps, which only endeared him to Gavin more.

  And it made him want to not screw this up. Jace obviously wasn’t out, and he probably didn’t have much experience with guys. They needed privacy. “How about Carter Lake?”

  “Is that safe?”

  “It’s November. No one’s going to be out there this time of year.”

  “Except us?”

  “Well, duh.”

  The Jeep hit a rut and Jace grabbed the door as he bounced in his seat. “Wasn’t Mr. Rhodes assaulted up there earlier this summer?”

  “Mama said that had something to do with a guy he knew in high school. It’s got nothing to do with us.”

  “Okay.”

  Gavin glanced at him. “You sure?”

  “Yes. The lake.”

  Warmth flashed through him at the confidence in Jace’s words, and Gavin actually turned the heat down two notches.

  For decades, people had been parking up at Carter’s Lake late at night to make out. The plastic roof and windows on the Jeep didn’t make it the ideal vehicle for hooking up in thirty-degree weather, but Gavin didn’t want to waste time finding out if Jace had a car, and he wasn’t about to invite Jace to his trailer. He wasn’t ashamed of the place, but Mama wasn’t working tonight, and he didn’t want to make Jace any more self-conscious than he already was by trying to sneak him past her.

  Gavin turned onto the narrow road to their destination and tried not to tap his foot or fingers too much. He’d never felt so much like he was driving in slow motion, and it took forever for the weedy parking lot near Carter’s Lake to flash in his headlights. Empty, thank God. He parked in the far corner of the weedy lot, angled so they’d see any other approaching car lights before anyone saw them, then he shut off the engine.

  The noisy heater wheezed into silence. The lot had no exterior lights, and the moon was only half full. When the Jeep’s interior light faded out, the empty spaces filled with shadows. Jace unsnapped his seatbelt and then sat there staring straight ahead, hands balled into fists on his thighs. Gavin almost had to sit on his own hands to keep from reaching for Jace first, to not be the one to start this. He wanted to kiss Jace stupid, to see what was inside those jeans, to suck him off, to bend him over and fuck him good.

  More than those things, though, Gavin wanted to do this right. He didn’t want to scare Jace off, so he unbuckled his own seatbelt and waited, hoping he looked as relaxed and open as he intended, even though his heart was slamming into his ribs. He wasn’t the newbie here, so why was the idea of Jace kissing him giving him palpitations?

  “I’m not a total virgin, you know,” Jace said, almost defensively.

  “Never assumed you were.”

  “I just…haven’t done much…not with guys.”

  “But you want to.”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m all yours, Jace.”

  Jace turned in his seat, putting half his face in a beam of light. Heat burned in his eyes, which took their time traveling up and down the length of Gavin’s body, only to zero in on his lips. Gavin smiled then licked his lips. Jace exhaled sharply. In one fast and fluid motion, Jace leaned across the console, slid his right hand into Gavin’s hair, and pulled him forward. He paused then, their mouths centimeters away, warm breath gusting across Gavin’s lips, and it took all of Gavin’s strength not to kiss first.

  Warm, moist heat slammed down against Gavin’s mouth, and he opened immediately to the powerful kiss. He angled his head and let Jace control it, to explore and nibble and lick, and damn he was good at it. When Jace thrust his tongue into Gavin’s mouth, he felt it in his cock—which had never really lost its wood and was now back at full mast. He wanted to reach down to see if Jace was still hard too. Instead, he ran his hand through Jace’s shaggy hair, surprised by its softness, and Jace pressed into the touch with an eager noise.

  Gavin managed to reverse the kiss a little and licked into the moist heat of Jace’s mouth. He tasted Coke and spice and Jace, and it was awesome. They kissed for a long time in the front seat, the position a little awkward, but Gavin was in no hurry to stop. Not until Jace’s hand slid into his lap and pressed against his cock. The touch sent electric signals to Gavin’s brain, and he pushed up against Jace’s palm.

  Jace pulled out of the kiss, but his hand remained where it was. His eyes were wide, lips damp, and he breathed hard through his mouth. He looked sexy as hell like that, and it only made Gavin want him more. Jace rubbed his cock again, and even through his jeans Gavin swore he felt the heat of Jace’s hand. He wanted so badly to know what that would really feel like, and he thrust back a little. Jace’s nostrils flared.

  “Tell me what you want, Jace,” Gavin whispered.

  Jace searched his face, expressive eyes unable to hide his desire or his nerves, until he made a decision. He didn’t say anything. He simply shrugged out of his coat, and then climbed into the backseat. He settled on the bench, legs open in a wantonly inviting way that made Gavin’s mouth go dry, and he waited.

  Gavin gave his body a moment to catch up to his brain’s signals, and then followed Jace into the backseat of the Jeep, positive this was the start of something fabulous.

  3

  Christmas Break

  Jace could hear someone knocking on his closed bedroom door, even over the loud bass of the music blasting into his ears via his iPod, but he chose to ignore the knocker. He hoped they’d get the hint and go away. His parents were hosting their annual Christmas party the night before Christmas Eve, and the house was full of guests. People laughing, telling nostalgic stories, and eating the food that Mom had spent two days preparing—with a good amount of assistance from Rey King. The guest list grew every year, and for the first time, she’d brought in help so she could spend more time socializing and less time pulling her hair out. Jace would be expected to paste on a smile and act like a good host to their guests, as he’d done every Christmas for pretty much his entire life.

  Tonight he’d gone so far as to put on his best gray slacks and the green sweater Mom had laid out for him. Then he’d promptly plopped down into the big, bowl-shaped Papasan chair that overtook the left corner of his room, stuffed his earbuds in, and proceeded to ignore the party and distant hum of Dad’s Christmas CDs playing on the sound system downstairs.

  He simply was not up to the effort of socializing. He’d barely made
it through the hoopla surrounding Lauren’s graduation last weekend, and all he wanted to do was rest. Rest and not think. Not about anything.

  The knocking continued, louder now that the song on his iPod was changing. The doorknob jiggled, and he realized too late that he’d forgotten to lock the damn door. It swung open. Mom bustled inside in her red dress and jingle bell earrings. She gave him a hard look then pointed at her ears. Jace yanked out the earbuds right as the next song got going.

  “Are you going to hide up here all night?” Mom asked. Her annoyance was almost matched by the concern in her eyes. He wasn’t acting like himself and they both knew it. Only Mom prided herself in giving her kids space, and she wouldn’t pry unless he did something really out of character. His sisters had no such boundaries.

  “I’m not up for a lot of people tonight,” he said truthfully.

  “Still worried about your finals?”

  His grades hadn’t arrived yet, and yes, he was a little worried. Then again, accidentally flunking out would solve all his problems. “A little, yeah. This semester was tougher than I thought it would be.”

  “It won’t get any simpler once you declare your major. College is hard work, honey.”

  He smiled for her. “I know. I’m trying my best.”

  “I know you are. You always do. Speaking of which, can you at least come downstairs for ten minutes? Put in an appearance, for your dad and me?”

  Jace couldn’t resist his mom when she asked like that—batting her wide brown eyes and acting like the exhausted hostess when she secretly enjoyed every moment of it. He hauled his tired, aching body out of the chair and dropped his iPod onto the cushion. “Okay, ten minutes.”

  “And a glass of eggnog.”

  His stomach twisted at the idea of drinking the sticky, sweet concoction that he used to love. “Okay.”

  “That’s why you’re my favorite son.”

  “I’m your only son.”

  “Details, details.”

  The familiar banter made him smile. He allowed her to hustle him downstairs into the crush of bodies and melody of Old Blue Eyes singing “White Christmas.” Sinatra made him think immediately of Gavin Perez, who naturally appeared instantly in Jace’s line of sight. Gavin was in the far corner of the living room chatting with Rachel. Rachel looked up first, and then Gavin followed suit. As soon as Gavin’s coffee-colored eyes met Jace’s, a crush of guilt settled around him. Guilt for ignoring Gavin’s calls and texts for the past few weeks with no explanation.

  Jace expected anger or annoyance from Gavin, but Gavin simply watched him with an expression full of curiosity. Then Gavin nodded and returned to his conversation with Rachel. Feeling oddly dismissed, Jace turned and headed for the kitchen. Fewer people hung out there than in the living room and den, and it was empty when he walked in. Extra platters of desserts and cookies waiting to be served lined the counter.

  He ignored the treats and poured himself a glass of water from the filtered pitcher in the fridge. The fridge door fell shut, and Jace nearly dropped his glass when he saw Gavin standing there like a phantom.

  “Christ, Gavin, don’t sneak around like that,” Jace said.

  “I didn’t sneak,” Gavin said mildly. “I walked in.”

  Jace clutched the cold glass in his suddenly sweaty palm. If only Gavin wasn’t so good looking, he’d be easier to ignore. And if only Jace didn’t get this warm quiver inside when Gavin smiled at him—like he wasn’t smiling at him right now. He hated seeing Gavin look so…disinterested. Thanksgiving weekend had been so fucking awesome, and Jace had gone and ruined it.

  Gavin reached out and poked him gently in the shoulder, like he was testing a loaf of bread for doneness. “Just checking,” he said.

  “For what?”

  “Making sure you’re still alive. I mean, in a town like this, I figure I’d have heard if you died, but you did kind of disappear off the face of the Verizon network for a while.”

  “Yeah, I’m sorry about that.” Apologizing now, after he’d been back in town for three days, felt ultra lame, but it was all Jace had. “Finals really got to me, and then I had to change my phone number.”

  “Why’d you have to do that?”

  Ice skated down Jace’s spine and his insides twisted up tight. He put the glass of water down before he broke it and told the same version of the truth he’d told his parents and sisters. “I kept getting these obnoxious anonymous texts and calls on my cell. I’d block a number and a new one would pop up, so I finally changed the number.”

  “Some people need real hobbies.” Gavin’s face turned serious. He bent his head a bit and lowered his voice when he asked, “When you say obnoxious, do you mean, like, bashing?”

  The instant "no" froze in Jace’s throat. He’d had no problem lying about this to his family, so why did he have the oddest urge to be honest with Gavin? They barely knew each other. Only not really. Their lives had intertwined in Stratton for a decade, but Gavin had never shown him the kind of attention and interest that he’d shown back at Thanksgiving. Jace had known he was gay since the start of his senior year of high school, even though he hadn’t told anyone or acted on those feelings beyond a few experimental kisses and gropes—not until Gavin. He didn’t know what to make of Gavin or of his own reactions to the older boy.

  Jace reached for the lie and forced it out. “All basic college crap,” he said. “But it got too distracting.”

  “Got it.”

  After a moment of awkward silence, Jace blurted out, “So are you here alone?” First stupid question of the night and probably not his last.

  Gavin’s face got soft and happy, which sent an instant—and unexpected—flare of jealously through Jace. “I’m not. I came with a beautiful older woman, as a matter of fact.”

  It took Jace a few seconds to catch on, and then he laughed. “Your mom. Duh.”

  “Duh. What about you? You bring some handsome hunk home in your back pocket?”

  “No.” Had he said that too quickly? “I mean—” Jace glanced around, but they were still alone in the kitchen and the Sinatra album had changed over to Billie Holliday. He lowered his voice to a whisper. “My family doesn’t know yet.”

  “Got it.” Gavin mimicked locking his lips with an imaginary key.

  “I mean, I think Rachel has a clue or two, but….”

  “It’s cool, really. Each of us in his own time, man. Honest.”

  “Thanks.” Jace liked this short-hand with Gavin—being able to talk about something without actually talking about it.

  “You cut your hair.”

  “Yeah, I needed to.” He’d let it get too long, too shaggy. Now it was only about an inch from his scalp—enough to keep his head warm, but not enough to grab.

  “So you are cool with Thanksgiving?” Gavin asked, sounding unsure for the first time in the conversation.

  “Yeah, of course.” He was more than okay with the time they’d spent together and the things they’d done. It was all the crap afterward at school that was turning him inside out.

  “Good, awesome. So I guess I should let you mingle and stuff.”

  Jace stifled a groan. “I am so not in the party mood tonight. I only came downstairs because my mom guilted me into it.”

  “Moms are good at guilt. I think the nurses give them a handbook on guilt when they pop their first kid.”

  “No kidding.”

  “So if you’re not into the party, you want to hang out?”

  “Won’t your date miss you?”

  Gavin grinned. “Nah.”

  The downstairs of the house was full of people, and taking Gavin upstairs to his bedroom—even to talk—would look kind of odd. They’d be too easy to find on the porch. The solution struck him. “Wait here a sec,” Jace said.

  He dashed down the hall to the front closet, saying hello to various neighbors on his way. He grabbed his own winter jacket, and an extra for Gavin. The guest jackets had been stored in his parents’ master bedroom downsta
irs, but he didn’t remember which one was Gavin’s. When he returned to the kitchen with the two coats, Gavin gave him a dubious look.

  “You’re not afraid of the cold, are you?” Jace asked.

  “Not afraid, no, but I am genetically predisposed toward warm, tropical weather.”

  He tossed the thicker of the two jackets at Gavin then put one on. “Trust me?”

  “I hate it when people say that.”

  Gavin put on the coat. He zipped it to the neck then closed every snap. Jace almost offered him snow pants and a wool hat too. He led Gavin out the patio doors to the deck, then into the yard. The air was crisp, on the cusp of being too cold for Jace. He liked snow and cold weather and winter—unlike his companion, whose teeth were chattering by the time they’d trekked to the back of the yard.

  Their father had built the tree house for his kids when the twins were seven. Dad was so proud of it too, with the solid walls and floor, the windows with real glass and the carpet scraps he’d nailed down. Keith Ramsey wasn’t the most handy guy when it came to home repairs, but he knew his way around wood and nails, and he liked to build things on occasion. The tree house was water tight, and even though they’d stopped playing in it years ago, Jace still occasionally used it as a private place to think.

  He climbed up the ladder and pushed the floor hatch open. After he hefted himself up, he peered down at Gavin, who hadn’t moved from the ground. “You coming?” he asked.

  Gavin gave the wood ladder a shake. “Is it safe?”

  “Perfectly.”

  “If I fall and break my neck, it’s your fault.”

  “Noted. Now come on.”

  Jace scooted to the metal box in the far corner of the cold tree house. He and Rachel always left a few things up here, including a deck of cards, a pair of walkie-talkies and a flashlight. The flashlight bulb was dim, the batteries probably about to die, but it would do for a little while. He shined it around while Gavin shimmied his weight off the ladder and onto the floor. Jace closed the hatch, which did little for the icy air. Their breath puffed out in white vapor clouds.