Weight of Silence: (Cost of Repairs #3) Page 9

  He wanted to do so much, and none of it here in Stratton.

  The Jeep door slammed and Jace jumped. Gavin trotted down the beach toward him, the sketchpad clutched against his chest. His teeth were already chattering by the time he joined Jace out on the pier.

  “How are you not a popsicle yet?” Gavin asked.

  “I don’t mind the cold as much,” Jace said with a shrug. “Are you finished?”

  “I think so.”

  “Can I see it?”

  Gavin hesitated, and Jace wasn’t certain if the redness in his cheeks was from the cold air or embarrassment. Gavin turned the sketchbook around. He’d filled in the sky, adding a few wisps of clouds and a sun barely peeking down from the top of the page. The water had gained some motion and layers, probably because of the sun’s position. But those changes didn’t capture Jace’s attention the way one addition did.

  A thin, shadowy figure stood in the foreground of the sketch, body mostly off the page, but visible enough to show a kind of profile. Jace’s profile, looking out over the water.

  Something thick formed in Jace’s throat. He managed to force a single word past that lump. “Wow.”

  “Is it okay?”

  Jace stared at him. “It’s beautiful, Gav. Really.”

  Gavin grinned. “You think so? You don’t mind?”

  “No, I really think it’s great. I told you before you have a lot of talent.”

  “I just don’t have any patience.”

  “You finished this piece.”

  “I had something to inspire me.”

  Their eyes met over the drawing. A familiar heat sparked in Gavin’s coffee-colored depths, and his lips quirked. Something inside of Jace melted. He could definitely deal with being Gavin’s inspiration if he kept looking at him like that. Like he mattered. Like Gavin saw him and liked what he was looking at.

  “Thank you,” Jace said, his voice thick. Almost hoarse.

  “For what?”

  “This. Letting me watch you work.”

  “My pleasure.”

  “Not yet,” Jace said with a wicked grin, “but it will be.”

  Gavin was still coming down off his post-orgasm high when Jace sat back on his heels after sucking him off with uncharacteristic intensity and asked, “Does it bother you that I’m not out?”

  He stared at Jace down the length of his body, confused by the serious question and the intent way Jace had asked it. They’d tumbled into the trailer less than half an hour ago, already pulling at each other’s clothes, Jace limping along with him straight to the bedroom. Jace had pushed him down with a little more vigor than usual, more in control of their activities, and had proceeded to keep all of his clothes on while divesting Gavin of his.

  Jace dressed + Gavin naked = Super hot!

  Jace still had his shoes on, and he winced as he sat down—probably from his bruised knee, which still gave Gavin fits when he thought about how Jace got hurt in the first place. Gavin yanked his attention off Jace’s knee and back onto his question where it belonged.

  “No, it doesn’t bother me,” Gavin said. “You know who you are, and that’s the most important part of coming out.”

  “Admitting it to yourself?”

  “Yeah. Everyone else can know when you’re ready for them to.”

  “Is there ever a good time?”

  Gavin sat up and pulled his legs forward, starting to get a clearer picture. “You’re thinking about wanting to leave school, aren’t you?”

  Jace plucked at the top of the bedspread, while one shoulder rose in a shrug. “I guess. No, yes, I am.” He looked up, his blue eyes cloudy and unfocused. “I mean, how do you say, ‘Hey, Mom and Dad, I’m quitting college to drive around the country, and by the way, I like cock’?”

  “I don’t think I’d come out by phrasing it as ‘I like cock’.“

  His mouth twitched at the joke attempt. “I just…they won’t take me leaving school well, and to heap being gay on top of that…I don’t want my dad to be disappointed in me.”

  “Why do you think he’ll be disappointed in you?”

  “The usual. I’m a quitter, I’m not a man, I won’t have kids and pass on the family name, blah, blah, bullshit.”

  Even though Gavin was the one not wearing clothes, he’d never seen Jace more naked. He slid across the bed and draped an arm around Jace’s shoulders, glad when the slim body leaned against him.

  “Listen,” Gavin said, “I’m no expert in dads. Mine was an asshole, and he was never there when it mattered. But your dad doesn’t seem like that. I mean, he’s friends with Sam and Rey, right?”

  “That’s not the same as having a gay kid.”

  “No, but at least you know he’s not a total bigot. Your family is pretty cool. They’re not going to kick you out, or turn their backs on you.” A tremor ran down the length of Jace’s body, and Gavin held him tighter. “Besides, you’ll always have a place here, no matter what happens.”

  Jace’s head snapped up so fast he nearly clipped Gavin’s chin. Hope and uncertainty flooded his eyes, making them wider and brighter than usual. “Really?” He made the single word sound so heartbreakingly desperate that Gavin wanted to bundle him up and keep him safe from everything that was trying to hurt him.

  “Definitely. I care about you.” Gavin couldn’t believe he’d actually said that, but it was out and he couldn’t take it back.

  “Me too.” Jace smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Thank you.”

  “Listen, if you don’t want to go back to school, I think you should tell your parents sooner, rather than later. Coming out can wait, if you don’t want to deal with both things at once.”

  “But waiting means hiding this. Us. You.”

  “For a little while.” He cradled Jace’s cheek in the palm of his hand, a little off-balance by the tender feelings rising up, demanding he protect Jace from the demons haunting him. Protect him from the world. “I’d rather hide it than not have it at all.”

  Jace pressed into his touch then angled his head to kiss him. Jace’s tongue slid into his mouth, licking and tasting, and Gavin groaned into the kiss. He wrestled Jace onto his back, and then out of his clothes. His left knee was wrapped in an ACE bandage, but the skin around it didn’t look swollen. Gavin settled his weight on Jace, aligning their hips so Jace’s hard cock pressed against the ridges of their abs. His own cock was making a slow comeback and would be in service sooner than he expected given how hard he’d come not five minutes ago.

  He kissed Jace again, while he began a slow slide against him, a teasing pressure that wouldn’t get him off too fast. Jace thrust up, trying to increase the pace and having no angle to do so. He raked his fingertips down Gavin’s back, not hard enough to scratch, but enough to feel it. His hands landed on Gavin’s ass and squeezed, encouraging him. His fingertips strayed closer to the cleft of his ass than they’d ever gone before, and Gavin groaned into his mouth, a flood of pleasure lighting him up from the touch.

  In all of their sexy times together, Jace seemed hesitant to shift things from their cocks to their asses, and Gavin understood the hesitation. Anal sex was a big step, and it wasn’t something everyone liked, especially if you did it wrong. But Gavin liked it, and he wanted to share that with Jace—when Jace was ready. As in all things, he’d wait for Jace to make the first move in that direction.

  Like right now.

  One of Jace’s fingers slid into Gavin’s crease, too high to find his hole, but damn, it was a start. Gavin kissed him harder, a bruising force he hoped communicated how much he liked where this was going. He was versatile in bed, and if Jace wanted to try topping, he’d walk him through it. Do his best to make it great for both of them. He pushed back against Jace’s hand, wanting more pressure, a firmer touch.

  Jace broke the kiss. Gavin pulled back enough to look him in the eyes, expecting hesitation and seeing only a question. “Do you…have you ever…?”

  “Use your words.”

  H
is eyes narrowed at the challenge. “Have you ever, you know, been fucked?”

  “Yes.”

  Jace’s nostrils flared. “Did you like it?”

  “First time hurt a little, but my partner made it feel good too. Having someone there who knows what the hell he’s doing helps a lot.”

  Something flittered across Jace’s face, there and gone so fast Gavin almost didn’t see it. And when he realized what it was, he almost wished he hadn’t—terror. The fleeting emotion squeezed Gavin’s heart tight and nearly knocked the air from his lungs.

  “Hey.” He framed Jace’s face with his hands, concerned by how cool his skin was. “We don’t have to, either way, if you aren’t ready.”

  “I want to,” Jace said firmly. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You won’t.”

  “How can you be sure?”

  “Two ways. First, you care enough to want to make it good. Second, I’ll be in control so you can’t do anything that will hurt me.”

  Jace searched his face, and he saw the moment the decision was made. Jace’s eyes softened, and some of the tension bled from his body. “Okay.”

  “Okay, what?”

  “I want to be inside you, Gav. Please.”

  “For sure.”

  He kissed Jace lightly, then climbed off him long enough to grab the lube and a condom from his bedside table. On his directions, Jace stuffed a pillow under his head, giving him a more comfortable angle to observe. Gavin kissed his way down Jace’s torso, pausing to lick lines along his clavicles, to swirl his tongue around his nipples until Jace got vocal. He dropped kisses along Jace’s ribs, noting their sharpness, his overall thinness, as he nuzzled the hollows of his hips. Jace’s legs trembled, and he squirmed under Gavin’s oral explorations, his breathing raspy and short.

  Gavin took Jace’s cock in hand then swallowed him down.

  Only an act of supreme self-control kept Jace from jerking up into the wet heat of Gavin’s mouth. He’d never get used to the feeling of being sucked off. Every time was like the first, and he never wanted the moment to end. He tangled his hands in Gavin’s silky black hair, urging him on without applying actual pressure. Being held down, forced, wasn’t fun and he’d sworn to himself before deciding to take this step that he wouldn’t do anything to hurt Gavin.

  Physically, at any rate. He had no idea what Gavin would think, how he’d feel, if he knew what Jace had done.

  He didn’t close his eyes. He didn’t want to miss a moment of this. Gavin’s cheeks hollowed and puffed out as he worked Jace’s dick with his mouth, getting him so close Jace was afraid he’d shoot before the main event. But Gavin knew what he was doing. He trusted Gavin to get them both there.

  Gavin pulled off his dick with a wet pop, then reached for the condom. He tore the wrapper with his teeth—now the sexiest thing Jace had ever seen him do with his mouth—then rolled the condom onto Jace’s dick. The latex felt strange, at first, pressure different from anything he’d ever experienced. He’d fooled around with a few girls, mostly kissing and under-the-clothes fondling, but not to a point that required condom use. He’d never worn one until now. Gavin popped the cap on a bottle of lube and spread some of the clear gel onto Jace’s dick. Gavin’s touch was slightly muted by the condom, not like skin on skin, and that was probably a good thing, if they wanted this to last longer than ninety seconds.

  Lube in hand, Gavin knee-walked his way back up Jace’s body. He settled his weight on Jace’s hips, which lined Jace’s dick up with the crease of Gavin’s ass. Jace’s breath caught—this was how Gavin meant to stay in control. Stay on top. Don’t get trapped.

  Too bad you weren’t that smart.

  He shoved aside the angry, berating voice and concentrated. Gavin took Jace’s right hand and squeezed some lube onto three of his fingers. It was both thick and fluid, without being sticky. Gavin guided his hand around to his crease.

  “Start with one finger,” he said.

  Heat flushed Jace’s chest. He pressed his fingers into Gavin’s crease, rubbing in the lube until he found the puckered entrance. His stomach tightened. Gavin made a soft, encouraging noise, his dark eyes fixed on Jace’s face like he thought he might change his mind. A small, terrified part of Jace wanted to call it off.

  The rest of him told his fear to take a flying fuck and let him have this.

  Jace pressed the tip of his index finger against Gavin’s hole, a steady pressure, until his finger slid inside to the first knuckle. They groaned together, and holy crap, a part of Jace was inside of Gavin. Gavin was breathing hard from his mouth, his face a mask of pleasure. If he felt any discomfort from the breach, he wasn’t showing it. Jace experimented with short nudges, barely moving his finger in and out, until the tight ring of muscle loosened and his finger slid all the way inside.

  Gavin exhaled hard through his mouth, then moved his hips, fucking himself on Jace’s finger. The tight heat was unlike anything Jace had ever felt, and he couldn’t imagine what that would be like around his dick—the thought nearly made his head explode.

  “Another one,” Gavin said after a few minutes.

  Jace fumbled the first few times he tried to work both his index and middle finger inside. There didn’t seem to be room, and he was too afraid of hurting Gavin to force it. Then Gavin took his hand, held it still, and slid back to meet his fingers. They did it together, and the noises coming out of Gavin’s throat had Jace’s balls tingling, his own dick aching for some attention. Soon Gavin was riding both of his fingers, his dick back in the game and hard against his stomach. Jace reached out with his free hand to jack him, and Gavin gave a low groan that rumbled through both of their chests.

  “Another?” Jace asked, his voice thick, strange.

  “No, cock now.”

  “Okay.”

  Gavin fumbled for the lube, then put more on Jace’s straining dick. Jace held onto Gavin’s thighs, aware of the hard muscles shifting beneath skin as Gavin moved back and raised himself up. He grasped Jace’s dick with one hand as he lowered himself. An icy splash of panic curled into Jace’s guts, and he watched Gavin’s face. Studied him for any sign of pain or displeasure, that they hadn’t prepped him enough. That anything at all was wrong, because sometimes words weren’t enough to make it stop.

  Pressure against the head of his dick took Jace’s breath away. The intense pressure gave way, and then it was all around him, a tight fist of heat and muscle, and he was inside of Gavin’s body. Gavin worked him in with short thrusts, up and down, for what felt like hours until he finally sat against Jace’s hips. His face and chest were flushed, eyes half-lidded. Jace’s abs ached from the effort of staying still, when every instinct in his body demanded he move, push, thrust, do something about the pressure surrounding his pulsing dick.

  Gavin leaned forward, planted his hands on either side of the pillow under Jace’s head, and kissed him. The gentle brush of lips told Jace everything he needed to know. Some of the icy fear unfurled and drifted away, leaving burning desire in its place. Gavin rocked his hips and Jace grabbed on tight. They moved together in an imperfect rhythm that drove Jace toward the edge faster than he wanted. He needed this to last. With Gavin all around him, on top of him, his solid body cradling him, he felt calm. Safe. Wanted.

  Too soon his balls drew up tight and release tingled the edges of his awareness. He thrust up into Gavin, wanting more of that perfect heat, more of everything. “Close,” he ground out.

  As if waiting for that signal, Gavin grabbed his own dick and jerked himself. He threw his head back as he came. Drops landed on Jace’s chest and neck, and Gavin’s body clenched around him—that did it. Jace thrust hard, and his own orgasm spilled up and over. His body broke apart and came back together in that moment, and all he knew was how right it all felt.

  Gavin helped him pull out, then his bigger body collapsed on top of Jace like a blanket. A wonderfully sweaty, human blanket that dropped light kisses on his throat and shoulder. Jace wrapped his arms aro
und Gavin’s waist, unable to use his words for anything more demanding than a satisfied grunt.

  “That was fucking awesome,” Gavin whispered, warm breath huffing into Jace’s ear.

  “Yeah.” At least, that’s what he hoped he said. “You okay?”

  Gavin hauled himself onto his elbows so he could look down at Jace. His large brown eyes were open lines to his emotions, and the depth of them startled Jace. “I’m great. You okay?”

  “Yeah. Yes.”

  “No regrets?”

  “Fuck no.”

  “Good.” He nipped the side of Jace’s chin, then kissed the skin. “Maybe when your knee is better, we can try a different position.”

  The idea sent a wave of heat roiling through Jace’s insides. “Definitely.”

  9

  After showering and more than a little groping, they retreated to the living room to watch a movie while Jace balanced an ice pack on his knee. He wouldn’t let Gavin fuss over him, so Gavin contented himself to being a human chair for Jace. He pulled Jace between his legs and held him loosely against his chest while they stared at the television.

  Jace was as relaxed as Gavin had ever seen him. Whatever deep-rooted fears Jace had had about intercourse seemed to have been obliterated by their afternoon together. Hell, it was the best fuck Gavin had ever had, bottom or top, and he was totally serious about doing it again. Jace had a great cock, just the right length and thickness, without being too big for comfort. He’d tried taking a big cock once, and the whole episode had been an embarrassing disaster.