Weight of Silence: (Cost of Repairs #3) Read online

  He texted Jace to say he’d be early for their lunch date, and Jace texted back almost instantly that he was on his way. They were meeting around the corner at Mineo’s, a Jewish deli that also specialized in personal-sized pizzas with crazy topping combinations. The place was a favorite hangout for the younger crowd, so Gavin had been surprised and delighted that Jace chose it. Most of their time spent together was private and unadvertised.

  Lunch in a public place was a good start in the “let’s be open about this” direction.

  Jace had been a finicky eater lately, so Gavin didn’t even try to guess what he’d order. He bought a large Coke and grabbed a booth near the back. Surrounded by the pleasant aromas of pepperoni and relish, he played a game on his phone until the back of his neck prickled. Gavin looked up. Jace was crossing the restaurant’s black-and-white linoleum floor, coming right toward him.

  No…limping right toward him, and favoring his left leg.

  Gavin frowned. “You hurt yourself?” he asked as Jace slid into the booth across from him.

  “So to speak,” Jace replied. “I bruised it when I was running this morning.”

  He flinched. “Ouch. Did you trip?”

  “Not exactly. I ran into a car.”

  “You did what?”

  Jace heaved a sigh. “How about I explain over food? You’re on a time crunch.”

  Gavin agreed then insisted Jace stay put while he placed their order—plain veggie wrap with no dressing for Jace and an Italian sub with the works for Gavin. He came back a few minutes later with the food and tore into his sub while Jace elaborated on his car incident. Gavin had a difficult time imagining Jace being so careless. The two times they’d gone running together, Jace had made Gavin slow down and pay better attention to his surroundings.

  “You’re lucky you weren’t going faster, or he’d have hit you full-on,” Gavin said. As the words fell from his lips, the mental image of Jace being run down by a car made his half-full stomach clench with worry. He could have been seriously hurt.

  “I know, believe me.” Jace sipped his bottled water and picked at the edges of his uneaten wrap. “I guess I…zoned out.”

  “Well, don’t do that again. Seriously.” Gavin surprised himself with the anger in his voice. He liked Jace—maybe too much, given the undefined nature of their relationship—and he didn’t want to see him hurt ever, especially in a preventable accident.

  “I won’t.” Jace’s hand jerked, as if he wanted to reach across the table and reassure Gavin with a touch. Until he remembered they were in public.

  Gavin stopped tapping his foot on the floor, uncertain when he’d started or how long he’d been doing it. He finished his sub while Jace nattered on about getting a ride home, icing his knee, and then made a left field conversation turn into last night’s dinner with the family. Gavin hadn’t begrudged Jace’s family time, but it sounded like Jace did.

  “Mom wanted to do something nice, and I acted like a brat,” Jace said. “I still haven’t apologized.”

  “We all do bratty things sometimes. I was an absolute terror when I was—” He almost said, “when I was your age,” but Gavin knew that would sound strange. They only had four years between them, after all. “When I was in high school.”

  “I think we’re supposed to stress our parents out when we’re in high school.” Jace’s tone suggested he wasn’t happy about the extra stress his college career was giving his folks. Gavin didn’t figure his grades were that awful, so it had to be something else.

  “Well, that’s the great thing about good parents. They don’t stop loving us, no matter what.”

  Jace nodded slowly without replying.

  “There he is!” Rachel’s voice bellowed out across the deli, attracting both of their attentions. She’d just walked in with another girl her age, who was as willowy and blonde as Rachel was short and brunette. Gavin couldn’t remember the girl’s name, but he had no doubt they were about to interact.

  Rachel made a line for their table, while Jace seemed to do his best not to crawl underneath it. Jace’s impulse to hide from his twin sister amused Gavin to no end, and he fought to keep from snickering. Instead, Gavin offered the two new arrivals a sunny smile.

  “Hey, Jace, it’s great to see you,” the blonde said, everything about the greeting bright and genuine. Jace slid out of the booth and, in a move that seemed more polite than friendly, gave her a hug.

  “You too, Molly,” Jace said as he quickly untangled himself from the embrace. Molly kept a hand on his arm, squeezing it like she was testing for doneness. “Do you know Gavin Perez?”

  “We’ve never been introduced, no.” She turned her blue-eyed attention onto Gavin and stretched out the hand that wasn’t holding onto Jace. “Molly Hutchinson.”

  Gavin eyeballed the hand touching Jace, then rose high enough to politely shake the other hand. “Nice to meet you, Molly.”

  “You work at the Dollar Mart, yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Cool.” And like that, she dismissed him and shifted her entire focus back to Jace. Gavin couldn’t help a slight pang of possessiveness at her hold on him, which Jace wasn’t shaking off. “So Rachel told you about my party day after tomorrow?”

  “Yes, she mentioned it,” Jace replied.

  “You’re coming right?”

  “Sure. Wouldn’t miss it.”

  Rachel gave Jace a funny look from the other side of Molly—a look Gavin couldn’t figure out. Molly, on the other hand, seemed to realize she’d made some kind of social faux pas in front of Gavin, and she gave Gavin a tight smile. “You can come too,” she said. “Since you’re Jace’s friend.”

  Gavin grinned. “I’ll have to check my datebook.” And ask Jace if he was actually welcome at a party full of his old town friends.

  “Of course,” Molly said.

  “You guys mind if we join you?” Rachel asked. “We were both craving the BLT pizza.”

  “Actually, we were finishing up,” Jace said. “Gavin’s on his lunch break, so he doesn’t have a lot of time.”

  Gavin glanced at Jace’s uneaten wrap, and he had half a mind to insist Jace hang with his sister until he’d consumed something. But Jace’s intent stare was an obvious signal that he wanted away from the two girls. “Yeah, my break’s almost over. Nice to see you, Rachel. Molly.”

  He collected his trash as he slid out of the booth, then dumped the sub wrapper while Jace said his goodbyes. Once they reached the safety of the sidewalk and were out of sight of the deli, Jace made a frustrated noise.

  “I was going to mention the party,” he said.

  “It’s a party,” Gavin said. He wished he’d finished his soda inside. The frigid air and iced beverage against his gloveless hand was not a pleasant combination.

  “Yeah, but it’s a New Year’s Eve party.”

  Ah, now Gavin got it. “Did you have other plans for New Year’s?”

  Jace stopped walking and stared at him, which made Gavin turn around. The confusion on Jace’s face was actually pretty adorable. “Why, did you?” Jace asked.

  “Well, I had considered hanging out with this hot guy I know, but he may have other plans.”

  “Hot guy? Anyone I know?”

  “Maybe,” Gavin said, drawing out the word with a teasing smile.

  “Seriously, though.”

  “Seriously, what? Do you want to go to Molly’s party?”

  “Not really, but I told Rachel I’d make an appearance.”

  “So make an appearance, and then come hang out with me. Casper knows some people near Harrisburg who are throwing a big, all-night bash, and he scored me an invite.” Gavin lowered his voice. “No one there will care if we show up together.” He put a little extra emphasis on the final word.

  A muscle twitched beneath Jace’s eye. “I’m not trying to hide you, you know.”

  He hadn’t known that, actually. “I didn’t mean it like that. I know you’re not out to your friends and family, and I won’
t be mad if you’d rather I didn’t accept Molly’s invitation, which I don’t think was sincere, anyway.”

  “Rachel knows.”

  Gavin faltered, unsure which part of his statement Jace was addressing. “Rachel knows what?”

  Jace glanced around, but the few other people out braving the sub-freezing temperatures weren’t paying them any attention. “About me. About us. Apparently, she figured me out a while ago and was waiting for me to say something.”

  He was out to his twin. That was a good start. “Cool. I mean, I guess she’s cool with it all?”

  “She’s cool with me being gay, yes.”

  Danger alert. “But not with us?”

  Jace lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “She just doesn’t know you. When she does, she’ll change her mind.”

  “About what, exactly?” Normally, the judgments of near-strangers didn’t bother Gavin all that much. His father was an abusive deadbeat, and both he and his mother worked minimum wage jobs. They lived in a crappy trailer in the poor side of town. Jace’s family was firmly middle-class, nudging their way toward upper-middle, with three kids and an actual picket fence. He and Jace came from two very different worlds.

  And when they were together, none of that mattered. He really hoped those differences didn’t start mattering to Jace.

  “She doesn’t like that you’re friends with Casper.”

  Gavin frowned, about to ask why the hell not when he understood. “The Laundromat fire.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Look, Jace, I’ve known Casper since middle school. He’s not the brightest crayon in the box, and yes, he’s done his fair share of stupid shit. But I really don’t see him starting a fire that could have hurt a lot of people. He’s not that cold.”

  “It’s Rachel’s issue,” Jace said. “Forget it. Besides, you’re going to be late getting back to work.”

  Gavin eyed him but didn’t argue. “Okay. Want me to call you when I get off?”

  Jace grinned. “Definitely.”

  Unable to kiss him goodbye, Gavin settled for returning the smile and winking. He watched Jace limp back in the other direction, observing the slim body and hunched shoulders until Jace turned the block and was gone. Then he checked his watch. Ten minutes over his break time.

  Crap. Theresa wouldn’t be mad, but she’d make him stay longer to make up for it. And he was really looking forward to getting off work now.

  8

  Jace probably shouldn’t have walked all the way to Mineo’s with his knee so sore, and he paid for it on the walk back. He downed a couple of ibuprofen, then parked himself on the couch with an ice pack and spent the next two hours mindlessly surfing the television. Nothing caught his attention and his thoughts kept drifting back to lunch. Gavin had an unexpected way of putting things in perspective for Jace. Maybe because he was a few years older and he hadn’t had the same sheltered upbringing as Jace.

  In many ways, Jace was privileged. He lived in a nice house, in a nice neighborhood, with nice, middle-class parents who both held good, full-time jobs. He’d never had to buy second-hand clothes or toys. He and his sisters weren’t spoiled by any means, but they’d never really gone without. Not like Gavin—no supportive father around, a mother who worked herself to the bone, the bare minimum of things around him in that small, cozy trailer they shared.

  He envied Gavin’s life sometimes. Gavin was comfortable with himself, his sexuality and his place in the world. He could do so much more with himself if he could settle down and focus—of this, Jace had no doubts. Gavin was smart, and he was damned talented when it came to drawing real life. Looking at those sketchbooks had been like opening a window into Gavin’s brain and seeing the world though his eyes. Everything was slightly longer, a little exaggerated, but still perfectly recognizable.

  Jace didn’t even recognize himself most days.

  His phone beeped a little after two with a text from Gavin. Pick u up in 10 min?

  Jace texted back an affirmative reply. He tossed the ice pack back into the freezer, and then scrawled a note on the dry erase board that hung on the refrigerator so his parents would know he was out. He’d apologize to his mom when he saw her tonight. She definitely deserved it after the way he’d acted at dinner. But he was tired. Tired of pretending he was fine, that he was normal, and that he still wanted anything to do with a college degree.

  At least when he was with Gavin, he felt less tired, less abnormal.

  Nothing would change his mind about college, though.

  He grabbed his coat and was waiting on the front step when Gavin pulled into the driveway. The sight of that Jeep, as old and banged up as it was, always sent a little jolt of energy through Jace because of who was driving it. Jace climbed into the passenger seat, his knee barely protesting the swing up. The heat was on full blast, and he began to sweat immediately, but it didn’t stop him from leaning over the console to kiss Gavin.

  He tasted like Coke, Jace noted with a grin, as he fell back into his seat. Gavin was smiling back at him. “You’re in a lot better mood than at lunch,” Gavin said.

  “My knee doesn’t hurt quite as much,” Jace replied, which was true. Most of his irritation earlier, though, had been because of Molly and Rachel’s interruption. Sooner or later, he and Gavin would be able to sit down for a meal together and not have to pretend they were just friends.

  “That’s good to hear.”

  Jace blinked, startled, until he realized Gavin meant his knee. “Yeah.”

  “So, instead of going back to my place, I had a thought.”

  “Uh oh. Did something catch on fire when you had this thought?”

  “Ha ha.” Gavin smacked him gently on the shoulder then backed out of the driveway. “No, wiseass.”

  “So what’s the thought?”

  “No way, now you have to wait and see.”

  Jace pretended to pout, but he kind of liked the idea of a surprise from Gavin. As he drove, Gavin told him a story about a customer knocking down a display of boxed Christmas ornaments that were on markdown, including a detailed description of the amount of glitter he’d had to sweep up because of the mess. Gavin had a knack for spinning a tale, and Jace listened with genuine amusement. After about ten minutes of driving, Jace recognized the direction they’d taken.

  “Are we going back up to Carter’s Lake?” he asked as the Jeep headed out of town.

  “That we are,” Gavin replied.

  “You know, if you want to make out with me, there are warmer places to do it.” Jace waggled his eyebrows.

  “Believe me, I know.”

  Gavin drove up the gravel road and parked the Jeep in the grassy clearing that overlooked the lake and its narrow beach. Ice coated the shore of the lake for a good twelve inches, and a few patches of snow from the dusting they’d received two days ago still hid beneath the pier. The stark, black branches of the leafless trees all around the lake gave it a lonely, abandoned feeling.

  “Don’t tell me we came up here to go skinny dipping,” Jace said.

  Gavin laughed. “Hardly.” He reached into the backseat and retrieved a sketchpad. He flipped through it to find the nearly complete sketch of the lake, then pulled a pencil out of the spine of the sketchpad. “I was inspired to finish something.”

  “Really?” Jace couldn’t stop his wide smile, or the warm feeling inside from knowing Gavin was going to complete the sketch.

  “Yup. I hope you don’t mind I brought you with me.”

  “Of course not. I’m glad you did.”

  “You might get bored. I tend to fuss over the details and go really slowly.”

  “If I get bored I’ll take a walk around the lake. No biggie.”

  He managed to sit quietly for about ten minutes, watching Gavin work on the sketch. He braced the pad against the steering wheel and held it with his left hand, while his right pulled and scratched the tip of his pencil against the rough paper. Gavin drew with an intensity that Jace hadn’t seen him put into anything else�
�his black eyebrows furrowed hard, and at times, the tip of his tongue poked out from the corner of his mouth.

  Jace wanted to stay put and watch, but sitting still was making his knee ache. Gavin didn’t look up when Jace climbed out of the Jeep. He walked down to the shoreline, which Gavin had drawn a long time ago, so he was pretty sure his presence wouldn’t interrupt the creative process. He tapped the toe of his sneaker against the crust of ice. It broke easily. It rarely got cold enough out here to completely freeze the lake. Dad said the last time it happened was twenty years ago.

  He gazed out across the water. A platform used to float about twenty feet out from the pier, back when this was a safe place for kids and their families to swim. The water wasn’t clean enough anymore, but teenagers still occasionally came out here to party on weekends. Not as often as they used to, since Mr. Rhodes was attacked, because the town police made more regular trips to patrol the area.

  Jace never could wrap his head around anyone wanting to hurt Mr. Rhodes like that. Everyone in town liked him, and anybody who’d graduated Stratton Senior High had him for at least one art class. Sure, there were always jerks who gave him lip because he was gay, and bigger jerks who talked about him behind his back. But he’d been beaten up. Badly, according to Jace’s dad, who was in the E.R. when Mr. Rhodes was brought in.

  Beaten up for being gay. Someone in Stratton. A supposedly safe little town.

  Jace glanced back at the Jeep. The sun was reflecting off the windshield, blocking his view of Gavin. He’d never asked, but he couldn’t help wondering if Gavin had ever gone through anything like that. Gavin had been out for years, after all.

  Then again, everyone knew who his father was, and they probably figured his temper ran the same.

  Jace was terrified of being out, but he was also exhausted of hiding. Secrets were way too easy for others to exploit—he’d learned that one the hard, painful way during finals.

  After the stifling heat of the Jeep, the cold December air felt good. He felt more awake in the cold, more alert. He walked down to the short pier and tested the old, worn wood. It creaked but didn’t seem soft or dangerous, so he walked out a few feet. The sun was dipping down toward the tops of the trees, rippling orange across the surface of the lake. He gazed along the water line, as far as he could see. No one lived along Carter’s Lake, and he’d never asked anyone why not. He imagined a house up here would be nice and peaceful, a retreat from the stress of small town life. He wanted to see other mountain lakes in other states so he could compare them. Maybe live on one of those lakes permanently.