Weight of Silence: (Cost of Repairs #3) Read online

  No one except Jace knew about the pregnancy, not even their mom. He’d held Rachel while she cried over the choice she had to make. He took her to a clinic and helped her pay for the abortion. He made sure she got through this past semester when a deep depression nearly resulted in her failing midterms. And he’d never said a word because she asked him not to.

  “It’s easier if you say it,” Rachel said with a knowing look. “You know I won’t love you any less.”

  Either she already suspected and was helping him get it out, or she was about to receive the shock of a lifetime. The confession burbled up like word vomit, and it was such a relief to finally say to his twin sister, “I’m gay.”

  Her face didn’t change. She watched him silently, perfectly neutral. And then she smiled. “Okay, good.”

  “Good?” He wasn’t sure if he should be surprised, insulted or worried.

  “Yeah, good. I mean, I figured that out years ago. When did you?”

  He blew a raspberry at her.

  “Seriously, though,” she said. “Thank you for finally telling me.”

  “Don’t tell Mom and Dad, okay?”

  “Tell them what?”

  Jace smiled. “Exactly.”

  “You’ll have to one day, you know.”

  “Yeah, I know. But I don’t think a gay son is what they want from Santa this year.”

  “Good point. How do you feel about New Year’s?”

  “How do you feel about Memorial Day 2018?”

  “Personally I’d aim for sooner than that or you’ll be competing with The Avengers Part 6.”

  He feigned shock and horror, and Rachel laughed. She patted his thigh then slid off the bed. “If you ever want to talk, you know where I live,” she said.

  “Yeah. Thanks.”

  “Anytime.” Rachel paused with her hand on the doorknob. “And just so you know, Gavin is pretty cute. You should totally hit that, if you haven’t already.”

  He lunged. She squealed and dashed out the door before he could grab her and exact his revenge via tickling. He fell back against his pillows and covered his eyes with his forearm. Telling Rachel he was gay had been easier than he expected. She already suspected and accepted him unconditionally. The rest of his family wouldn’t be as easy. He’d tell them one day. He’d have to.

  Maybe in 2020. Yeah, that was good.

  First he needed to survive college. And Jordan.

  5

  Gavin didn’t know who to expect when he pulled into the Ramsey driveway on the afternoon of Christmas Day. Jace, obviously, since that’s who’d texted him twenty minutes ago to say he was home. Only which version of Jace? The happy, flirtatious guy he’d developed an insta-crush on over Thanksgiving weekend? Or the moody, unpredictable one he’d talked to at the party two days ago? Gavin seriously preferred the former, because the latter worried him for reasons he couldn’t put into words.

  The front door of the Ramsey house opened before Gavin could decide if he should knock or honk his horn. Jace bounded down the driveway, his thick winter coat hanging open in the freezing cold, and he practically threw himself into the passenger seat. His adorable face was a storm cloud. After he snapped in his seatbelt, he took a deep breath, and then let it out nice and slow.

  “Merry Christmas?” Gavin asked, concerned he’d inadvertently done something to cause this mood.

  His voice seemed to jerk Jace out of his thoughts. The storm cloud passed and he gave Gavin a sunny smile. “Hey, yeah, Merry Christmas.”

  Gavin shifted the Jeep into reverse. “So what did you want to do? And I’m still half-frozen from the tree house, so please, nothing outdoors.”

  Jace grinned. “Wimp. How about we hang out at your place, then? Nothing’s really open today anyway.”

  He had an excellent point, and Jace’s casual tone had no hidden innuendo in it. Not that the lack of innuendo precluded the possibility of fun physical activities, but Gavin was in no hurry. He did often wonder if, despite what Jace had said, they’d moved too fast that first time.

  “Okay,” Gavin said. Once he got the Jeep turned around and headed back across town, he ventured a question. “So how was family time in Quakertown?”

  Jace grunted and his smile fell away. “Same rerun as last year. It’s my mom’s family, who are all crazy Germans. My grandmother is half deaf, so you have to shout at her when you need to tell her something. My Uncle Benny shows up drunk and leaves drunker, and in between, he always lets you know exactly how he feels about working women, illegal immigrants and gay rights. Plus my Aunt Lucy harangues me every year about why I never bring a girlfriend over.”

  Gavin shuddered. He would definitely not be Uncle Benny’s favorite person to talk to, since Gavin’s mother was a working, perfectly legal, female immigrant with a gay son—the trifecta. “Sounds like familial hell.”

  “It is. Thankfully the family was more interested in cooing over my cousin’s new baby boy than in pestering me, so it wasn’t too awful. How about you?”

  “The usual. Just me, Mama, her homemade enchiladas and a Christmas movie marathon.”

  “Watch anything good?”

  “The typical holiday classics. Die Hard. Lethal Weapon.”

  Jace laughed. The lyrical sound made Gavin smile. At the next four-way stop, he gave Jace a quick once-over. He was grinning, his good humor restored, and Gavin’s concern quelled. Jace was stressed out from school and family. Nothing serious. Maybe this thing between them had a chance after all.

  “Every year my grandfather insists we all sit down to watch Charlie Brown,” Jace said.

  “I’ve never seen that one.”

  “What?” Jace shifted to face him, his eyebrows somewhere up in his hair line. “Are you serious?”

  “Yep. I’ve also never seen A Christmas Story or It’s a Wonderful Life. Have I been deprived?”

  “Definitely. I guess we’ll have to change that, won’t we?”

  “Helping me with new experiences now, are we?”

  Jace’s eyes went wide, and for a terrible moment Gavin thought he’d said the wrong thing. Then an intense heat replaced the surprise, and Gavin’s cock took an unexpected interest in the conversation.

  Home never seemed so far away before.

  He and Mama shared the lot rent for a two-bedroom trailer on the outskirts of town, in a wooded area that provided an illusion of privacy from closely situated neighbors. The small dirt drive was barely big enough for his Jeep and his mother’s hatchback—which was not there, because she was working until ten p.m., and he’d never been so glad of that before.

  He’d also long ago lost any embarrassment over being twenty-three and still living with his mother. Both could afford to live alone, but Gavin preferred to stay close. The last thing his asshole father said to Mama before he left was, “Try to divorce me and I’ll kill you. Cheat on me, and I’ll kill your kid.”

  For ten years they’d lived in peace, but he knew Mama was lonely. Only she didn’t dare date another man or file for divorce. Even from an unknown distance, Kai Hale could still hurt his family.

  The trailer wasn’t much, but it was home. Mama kept a beautiful flowerbed in the warm months, but winter left the front yard looking barren and ugly. Gavin had repainted the old siding last summer and replaced the patio awning, and why he was pondering his latest home repairs was a mystery. He’d never cared what his friends thought of his home. Why did Jace’s opinion matter so much?

  As he unlocked the front door, Gavin tried to see the trailer as Jace might. The dented, slightly rusty screen door. The clean, but worn brown carpet in the living room. The outdated cabinets in the small kitchen and water stains on the ceiling from a bad leak three years ago. Second-hand furniture tastefully decorated as best as Mama could manage. A twenty-year-old beast of a television attached to their Wii. Everything neat and in its place.

  Jace observed the room as he unzipped his coat. Gavin hung both of their jackets on the wooden coat tree behind the door.

&n
bsp; “Bienvenido a mi casa,” Gavin said.

  “Gracias,” Jace replied with a grin. “Do you speak Spanish at home?”

  From someone else, the question might have sounded rude. “Nah. Mama’s parents are still in Mexico, but she immigrated years before I was born. She just wants me to know the language.”

  “It’s handy to have in your back pocket. I took four years of Spanish in high school, and I’m still struggling with it.”

  “I could tutor you, if you need help. They never put the best dirty words in the textbooks.”

  Jace laughed. “I may take you up on that.”

  “Good.”

  He gazed around the room and his attention landed on the framed picture above the sofa. Gavin’s heart kicked a little when Jace moved closer to study it. The dark frame encased a pencil drawing Gavin had completed his senior year of high school for Mr. Rhodes’s class. They’d been asked to do a portrait of an emotion. Gavin had sketched his mother smiling into the distance and called it Hope. He’d gotten an A. Mama had it framed.

  “Who drew this?” Jace asked.

  “I did.”

  Jace’s eyebrows arched. “Really? It’s incredible.”

  “Thanks.” The praise from Jace made his insides a little wobbly.

  “I didn’t know you could draw so well.”

  “Not many people do. I don’t draw much anymore.”

  “Why not?”

  “I can’t really concentrate on one subject long enough. It has to interest me in order for me to bother.” So true. He had several sketchbooks hidden under his bed, the pages full of half-started images that he’d lost focus on before he could complete them. Gavin’s mind jumped back to social graces. “So you want something to drink? Eat? We have a platter of cookies from one of the neighbors, and there are these butterscotch oatmeal things that are amazing.”

  “No, water’s fine. I had a pretty big lunch a little while ago.”

  “Cool.”

  Gavin went into the kitchen and pulled two glasses from the cabinet. The tap water was pretty clean, but he’d bought Mama a faucet filter for Christmas last year and she loved it. Said she liked not having to offer guests something straight from the pipe.

  He grabbed an empty cereal bar wrapper off the counter and tossed it into the garbage can. It wasn’t like Mama to leave trash around. She prided herself on a tidy house more than he did. He swept some crumbs into the sink too.

  As much as he wanted a few cookies himself, Gavin stuck to water for them both. Jace had perched on the edge of the sofa, near the middle, so Gavin sat next to him, leaving a casual range of six inches between their thighs. Conversation topics fled, so he reached for the first lame thing on his mind.

  “So what was lunch?”

  Jace blinked at him mid-sip of water, as though he hadn’t understood the question. “Oh, today. Potluck of all the party leftovers. Mom wanted to clean out the fridge.”

  “Makes sense. I’ve seen leftovers get pushed to the back of the fridge and forgotten about for weeks. It never ends well.”

  “For the food or the container it’s in?”

  “Neither. They both end up in the trash can. I can’t eat out of something that once grew mold, no matter how well it’s been cleaned.” He shuddered, which made Jace laugh. Gavin liked that sound, and he vowed to make Jace laugh as often as possible.

  “So, what do you do when you aren’t picking up shifts at Dollar Mart?”

  Gavin inwardly flinched at the mention of his job. It was a good job. He got a lot of hours and he liked the people he worked with. But a cashier/stock job at a Dollar Mart had to sound lame to a guy going to Temple. “Hang, play Wii. I like to go running too. Not so much in the winter, though.”

  “Too cold.”

  “Exactly.”

  “You know you’ll warm up, right?”

  “Gee, really?” Gavin rolled his eyes dramatically, which made Jace grin. “It’s the whole being freezing cold when I start part that bothers me.”

  “Wimp. I bet you don’t run in the rain, either, do you?”

  Not cool. “Why, do you?”

  “Sure. I love to run, even did track in high school.”

  “I know.” That sounded slightly creepy. “I mean, you won State for hurdles or something your junior year, didn’t you?”

  Jace nodded, his entire face brightening at the memories. “Yeah. That was really awesome.”

  “So you still run?”

  “Definitely.”

  “Then we’ll have to go running while you’re on break. When do you go back, anyway?”

  The joy in Jace’s face fractured, and the shift made Gavin’s stomach sink. “January seventeenth. But I don’t want to talk about school.”

  “Okay. What do you want to talk about?”

  Jace’s gaze dropped to Gavin’s crotch and a shot of desire heated his blood. Oh hell yes, he liked where this was going. Jace’s hand rested lightly on Gavin’s thigh, fingers brushing the inseam of his jeans. “I never really thanked you for Thanksgiving.”

  Gavin swallowed hard. “For spilling cranberry sauce on you?”

  “Cranberry relish. No, not that.” Jace put their glasses down on the coffee table and then shifted to face Gavin, each movement slow and deliberate. The intensity blazing in his eyes sent happy signals right to Gavin’s hardening cock. He wanted to push Jace down on the sofa and kiss him stupid. Instead, he waited. Let Jace take the lead again, like before.

  “For fixing the shirt I spilled cranberry relish on?”

  “No.” Jace slid his right hand behind Gavin’s neck and pulled him down.

  Gavin resisted an instant before their lips touched. “For—?”

  “Shut up.”

  Jace shut him up with his mouth and a hard, attentive kiss that sent Gavin’s cock from semi- to fully hard. Gavin welcomed the tongue thrusting into his mouth, allowing its eager exploration. He reversed the kiss and savored the mint toothpaste taste of Jace’s mouth. Then he let Jace tug him down until they were exactly how Gavin had imagined them a few moments before—Jace flat on his back, his legs around Gavin’s hips, arms around his shoulders, hard cocks grinding together in time to the hide and seek dance of their mouths. Even though Gavin was taller by a good five inches, their bodies folded together perfectly.

  He lost himself in kissing Jace. In the scent of his shampoo and slightly spicy cologne. In the way he moaned when Gavin’s mouth explored his throat and dropped kisses light enough to feel but not leave a mark. In the way Jace’s hands slid down his back and tugged his shirt out of the waist of his jeans so he could find bare skin.

  Gavin knew perfectly well what Jace was thanking him for, and he really, really wanted to get his mouth back around Jace’s cock. He’d never given anyone their first blowjob before, and he’d actually been a little nervous—probably why he shot his own load before Jace could return the favor. But the look on Jace’s face afterward, eyes sparkling and wickedly sated… Yeah, Gavin wanted to see that again. Repeatedly, if possible.

  Their position was also putting other ideas into Gavin’s head, but he didn’t want to scare Jace off by moving too fast. With his lips and tongue, he explored the lines of Jace’s jaw, the shell of his ears and every inch of his mouth. Tasted each inch of bare skin he could find, until his own body burned and instinct told him they were way overdressed.

  He kissed the tip of Jace’s nose then pulled back so he could look him in the eyes. Eyes blown wide and gazing at Gavin like he wanted to swallow him whole. “What do you want?” Gavin asked, surprised by the rough sound of his own voice.

  “My answer hasn’t changed from the first time.”

  Gavin thrust his hips down, hard enough to send a bolt of pleasure up his spine, and Jace whined. A sexy, sexy whine. “Use your words.”

  “Bastard.” Jace slid his hands down beneath his waistband and pressed his fingers into the tops of Gavin’s ass. “I want to taste you.”

  “Any part in particular?”


  He lunged up and nipped Gavin’s chin. “Your dick. I want to suck you.”

  Gavin didn’t need to be told twice. He sat up and back, giving Jace room to do the same. They both stripped out of their shirts, and as much as Gavin wanted to attack that smooth, pale chest again, he settled back against the couch cushions and waited. Jace showed none of the tentative hesitation he’d displayed their first time. He slid to the floor and knelt between Gavin’s legs. Made quick work of the button fly on his jeans. Tugged his jeans and briefs down, releasing Gavin’s aching cock.

  He didn’t have time to properly appreciate the beauty of Jace’s pink lips sealing over the head of his cock, because damn, his mouth was on Gavin and nothing else really computed. This was far from Gavin’s first blowjob, but hell, it could have been for the way his body responded to Jace. His first boyfriend had once told Gavin that “sex is awesome, but sex with the right person is fucking mind-blowing.”

  Jace either watched a lot of porn, or he’d picked up some tips from someone, because he went down on Gavin like a pro. Though Gavin knew “pro” sounded awful, and he’d never say such a thing out loud. Jace didn’t take him deep, but the combination of his hand jacking in time with the pressure of his lips made Gavin’s orgasm pool a lot faster than he expected. As much as he’d love to come right down Jace’s throat, Jace might not like that and it was only fair to warn the kid.

  “Gonna come,” Gavin gasped out.

  Jace pulled off with a lewd, wet sound. His intense brown eyes held Gavin’s gaze as his hand kept jerking him, harder, harder, until Gavin’s balls drew up and he cried out. Pleasure sizzled down his spine, and he thrust into Jace’s tight fist, hands digging hard into the sofa cushions. While Gavin tried to reestablish control over his body, Jace studied a streak of come on his hand. He raised that hand to his mouth, and the tip of his tongue flicked out to taste it.