Weight of Silence: (Cost of Repairs #3) Page 4

  Gavin gazed around at years of magic marker drawings on the walls. The tree house was only about six by six, so they didn’t have a lot of maneuvering room, and they ended up sitting next to each other, backs against one of the walls. The hard floor made Jace’s backside ache almost immediately, but he ignored it and blamed it on the cold.

  “This is really cool,” Gavin said. “I’d have killed for a fort like this growing up.”

  “Every kid on the block wanted to play with us after this thing was built. There’s nothing like a tree house to make you the most popular kids in the second grade.”

  “And there’s nothing like being the poor, non-white kid to make you the least popular.”

  Jace’s smile froze at the odd comment. Gavin said it with such amusement that he thought it was a joke, but some truth clung to the words. Jace really didn’t know much about Gavin. He knew Gavin had a hard time sitting still for long periods of time. He knew what Gavin’s mouth tasted like.

  That unexpected thought process sent signals straight to Jace’s dick, which took notice of the good-looking guy sitting so close that their arms and legs touched. Gavin wasn’t classically handsome, but his mixed heritage gave him smooth caramel-colored skin and silky black hair that Jace found incredibly appealing. He was also tall, which Jace liked, at least six-feet, and lanky.

  Oh yes, he was definitely attracted to Gavin. At Thanksgiving, Gavin had most definitely seemed attracted to Jace, but what if that had changed? Maybe Gavin could tell that Jace had changed. That things were different. That Jace’s life had gone from mildly interesting to devastatingly complex with one simple choice he’d made months ago.

  The past always came back to bite you in the ass.

  “I killed the conversation, didn’t I?” Gavin asked.

  “Maybe a little bit.”

  “I don’t guess this place has a space heater?”

  Jace laughed. “Sure, it’s right next to the portable air conditioning unit.”

  “I knew this house came with great amenities. Does it have an in-unit washer and dryer, or do you walk to the Laundromat?”

  “Would you believe my mother still does my laundry?”

  “Yes.”

  Gavin’s deadpan delivery of that single word made Jace crack up. It wasn’t even that funny as a joke, but he couldn’t seem to stop laughing. He didn’t want to stop laughing. He hadn’t laughed so hard in so long he’d thought that part of him was broken. He laughed himself sideways. Laughed until his stomach hurt and his cheeks were wet with tears.

  When he finally sobered up and wiped his face, he found Gavin watching him with an expression stuck somewhere between amusement and lust. “Has anyone ever told you that you have the sexiest laugh ever?” Gavin asked.

  Jace had lost some of his wood during the laughing fit, but his dick came right back to full attention at the heat in Gavin’s words. He didn’t care that less than fifty feet away, his parents’ house was full of friends and neighbors. He didn’t care that getting involved with Gavin would only tangle him up in Jace’s personal disaster. All he cared about was that he really, really wanted to kiss Gavin again.

  “You are definitely the first to say that,” Jace said as he sat back up.

  Gavin’s eyes kept shifting down, then up, then down again—right at Jace’s lips. He seemed to be waiting for Jace to make the first move, like he had the night of Casper’s party.

  Oh God, that night. If only they could go back to that night when things still felt shiny and new.

  Jace had enjoyed meeting Gavin’s friends, and dancing with Gavin in full view of everyone had been intense. Almost too intense, and then they’d gone out to the lake, where intensity took on a whole new meaning.

  Gavin had been so charming and encouraging that it gave Jace the nerve to make the first move. To kiss him and touch him and know for sure they were both hard. To be the first to climb into the backseat. To find the skin of Gavin’s back beneath layers of clothing, warm and smooth and incredibly touchable.

  Kissing Gavin had been nothing like kissing those few other guys. Gavin put passion and enthusiasm into their kisses. He made Jace feel like he mattered, that it was about more than simply getting off. And the sounds Gavin had made when Jace combined his kisses with manual explorations—God.

  They kissed for a long time, and Jace’s boldness grew with every passing minute. He loved the feeling of Gavin on top of him, all warmth and muscle, pressing him into the seat with his body. Jace explored Gavin’s back and chest with his hands, but eventually that shirt had to go and he stared at the expanse of golden skin that had been hiding from him.

  The dark bud of one of Gavin’s nipples was too damned tempting. Jace licked and Gavin’s entire body shuddered. He did it again and was rewarded with the same. He wanted to lick other places, to explore the rest of Gavin, but the cramped backseat limited their options. Another time, another place.

  Gavin rubbed his erection against Jace’s, the friction intense and sweet even through their clothes. Jace thrust up, practically humping Gavin with his pants on, his swollen dick desperate for real friction. Real attention. He wanted Gavin’s hand on him, his mouth, anything.

  Jace’s brain got stuck at the idea of making that particular move first. His earlier courage fled and he couldn’t find the guts to stray past Gavin’s belt, even though his fingers ached to explore further. He didn’t know how to tell Gavin he’d never touched another guy’s dick, never let a guy touch his, much less any of the other things he’d seen in pictures and porn.

  Gavin seemed to get it, though. He left a trail of wet kisses from Jace’s mouth down to his ear, then whispered, “Tell me what you want, Jace.”

  “Everything.” The high-pitched plea made him sound like a whiny brat, and maybe he was when it came to sex. He wanted it so badly, and he wasn’t going to ruin this opportunity. School kept him too damned busy to seek out a partner he could trust, and even though he’d known Gavin for a grand total of eight hours, he trusted him. Jace couldn’t explain why, but he trusted him.

  “That’s a tall order for tonight,” Gavin replied, his voice husky. “How about we start small?” His right hand cupped Jace’s dick through his jeans, sending a jolt of arousal up Jace’s spine. “Anyone ever sucked you off?”

  He’d have lied to a stranger, but Jace found himself unable to lie to Gavin about this. “Nu’uh.” He’d lost some ability to form actual words, which should have been as embarrassing as the admission. But it wasn’t.

  The pressure from Gavin’s hand got stronger, and Jace pushed against him, desperate for more, harder. “Tell me what you want, Jace.”

  Jace’s eyes went wide. Was he serious? They’d gone over this.

  Gavin grinned like the devil. “If you can’t ask for it, I don’t know if you’re allowed to have it.”

  “Suck me off,” Jace gasped out. “Please, God, suck me off.”

  “God, huh?”

  With a laugh and a hard kiss on Jace’s mouth, Gavin shifted so he was kneeling on the floor, tucked between the front and back seats, with Jace’s back to the far corner of the bench seat and his legs lewdly spread. Fine tremors danced up and down Jace’s thighs, and his stomach seized up tight with anticipation.

  Gavin licked his way down Jace’s chest, waking up nerves Jace never knew existed. His skin was on fire everywhere Gavin touched him. An orgasm was already building, pooling in his balls, and Jace knew he wouldn’t last much longer. Gavin opened his belt and fly with deft fingers, then pushed the fabric out of the way. He reached into Jace’s boxers and all higher thought stuttered to a stop with the realization that there was a hand on Jace’s dick, touching his dick, pulling it out of his boxers.

  Jace tried to pay attention, but actions were lost to him beneath a white haze of pleasure and excitement that became a delicious wet heat. Press of lips. Slide of tongue. Pressure. The sounds Gavin made penetrated the fog around Jace’s brain—sexy, sexy sounds—and his balls drew up. He wanted this to
last, for the insanity of how amazing this felt to go on forever. Only Gavin’s mouth moved with purpose, and Jace decided to hell with it, he needed to get off before his eyeballs exploded.

  He shouted a warning, but Gavin didn’t move. He sucked him straight through his orgasm, swallowing his load and licking his dick clean with a satisfied smile. Jace stared at him, mouth open, heart slamming against his ribs like it wanted to beat right through them. His legs were trembling, and he couldn’t seem to speak. Or move. Or do anything at all, really.

  Gavin looked up at him from beneath his thick eyelashes, his own cheeks flushed, eyes shining. He licked his wet lips then grinned. Jace knew he should say something, or even do something. Like offer to return the favor, even though he wasn’t confident in his coordination right then. All he could manage was to stare at Gavin.

  “You liked that, huh?” Gavin asked. The incoherent grunt Jace replied with made Gavin snort laughter. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

  Something about the laughing shook Jace out of his post-orgasmic haze. “Do you want me to, uh, you know, for you?” he asked.

  “What did I say about using your words?”

  The joke buoyed Jace’s confidence. “Do you want me to suck you off?”

  “I’d love that, but not tonight.” Gavin heaved himself onto the set next to Jace, then pointed at a damp stain near the fly of his jeans. “I’m not usually a fan of unloading in my pants, but watching you get off like that was so freaking hot, Jace.”

  Jace’s face must have looked pretty crestfallen—his chance to discover the joy of having a dick in his mouth had just been lost to the inside of Gavin’s jeans—because Gavin reached over and cupped his cheek in his palm. Brushed his lips over Jace’s in a soft, promising kiss. “Don’t worry,” Gavin whispered. “You can make it up to me some other time, okay, dude?

  “Dude?”

  “Dude, you—”

  4

  “—you okay?”

  Fingers snapped in front of Jace’s face. He jerked away, startled, and slammed the back of his head into the wall of the tree house. Heat and pain shot through his skull and he yelped. The cold air jolted him firmly out of the memory of the last truly happy moment he’d had in weeks.

  Gavin crouched in front of him, his dark eyes wide and concerned. Jace felt instantly like an ass, and a blush flamed his cheeks.

  “I’m fine,” Jace said. He drew his knees up to his chest in a protective gesture that made Gavin retreat a few inches. “Sorry, I got lost in thought.”

  “Must have been some trip. You sure you’re back?”

  “Yeah. Yes.”

  He was definitely back and well-aware that he’d just destroyed the moment they’d had right after Jace’s laughing fit. The euphoria of it was gone, replaced by shame and an ever-present, bone-deep fatigue that threatened to swallow him whole. Gavin seemed to have a talent for reading people’s moods, because he didn’t reapproach. He settled against the wall opposite Jace, his long legs stretched out.

  “So you got any exciting plans while you’re home for break?” Gavin asked.

  “I’d hoped to sleep a lot, maybe watch some movies. Sleep some more.”

  “Maybe sleep a little too?”

  Jace’s lips twitched. “Yeah, maybe.”

  “College sounds exhausting.”

  “You never went?”

  “Nah, wasn’t for me.”

  “It’s not for everybody.”

  “Do you like it?”

  “Sometimes.” Jace’s entire freshman year had been a battle to keep his grades up. So far, his sophomore year had been a battle to stay in school, period. The only thing he was good at was writing essays, but he had no idea what he wanted to do with his life.

  “So if you didn’t have to be in college, what else would you be doing right now?” Gavin asked. “First thing off the top of your head.”

  “Traveling.”

  “Where?”

  “Everywhere. I’d sell my iPod and anything else I could for a cheap car and just go. See the whole country. Be a nomad. Take my laptop and write about the experiences, maybe. Work when I have to, then move on to the next place.” Jace shut up when he realized he probably sounded like a spoiled jerk, complaining about the luxury of attending a fantastic university, while wishing he could waste away his youth on traveling and sightseeing.

  Only Gavin didn’t look disgusted. He seemed…interested. “No roots, then? You’d get up and go and leave everything behind?”

  “Not forever.” Jace loved his family, and he’d always been close to them. But sometimes living in Stratton suffocated him. College suffocated him. He needed big skies and wide open spaces. A little time around people who didn’t know him or any of his secrets. “Maybe for a few years, until I know what I want to do and where I want to settle.”

  “So if that’s what you want, then why don’t you do it?”

  Jace exhaled a long, hard breath. “I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  Good question. Not going back to school would solve all his problems—he’d be free of exams and bookwork and the never-ending headache of studying. And he’d be free of Jordan. The noose of Jordan’s accusation tightened a bit more around Jace’s neck, and he fought to control his roiling stomach.

  “My parents want me to get a degree,” Jace said.

  “Is that what you want?”

  “No.” He’d never really admitted that out loud before. Not to his parents, his sisters, or his friends from high school, who were all more than happy to be attending the universities of their choice.

  “So you’d rather make yourself miserable for three more years and put yourself into financial debt, just so you don’t upset your parents?”

  When Gavin put it like that, the whole idea sounded pretty moronic to Jace. He was torturing himself and wasting money on an education he didn’t want, for a future he hadn’t yet decided on. A future he might find while exploring the south, or Canada, or an atoll in the Pacific Ocean. More than anything, though, he wanted out of Pennsylvania.

  On the other hand, staying in school seemed like a small sacrifice to make when he still hadn’t told his parents that he was gay.

  “Jace, I’m not trying to tell you what to do, honest,” Gavin said. “But living someone else’s life is a good way to make sure yours is miserable.”

  “You know, you’d have had a great career as a motivational speaker.”

  Gavin flashed his middle finger. “You only get one life, dude. Live it.”

  A little bell rang, and Gavin reached beneath the bulk of his coat for his phone. He checked a text then frowned. “Crap, my mother wants to leave,” he said.

  Jace nodded mutely. As much as he disliked the conversation, he enjoyed the company. He didn’t want Gavin to go.

  “You want to hang out sometime soon?” Gavin asked.

  “Yeah, definitely. We’re leaving early tomorrow for my grandparents’ house out in Quakertown, but we’ll be home around lunchtime Christmas Day.”

  “Mama works at the diner in the afternoon, so I’ll be free.”

  Jace wasn’t surprised. Dixie’s closed for twelve hours on Christmas Day, midnight to noon, to give Dixie and her employees a break. But as he’d heard her say once before, some people had nowhere else to go on Christmas, so she’d welcome them with open doors and hot food. “I’ll call you when I’m home, then,” Jace said.

  “It’s a plan.”

  Gavin winked before he climbed back down the ladder to the ground. Jace didn’t follow him. He stayed in the tree house for a while longer, until the flashlight bulb died and even he could no longer stand the cold. The party had wound down by the time he slipped back inside and sneaked up to his room.

  He didn’t make it six feet past his bedroom door before Rachel came in and shut it behind her.

  “What’s with the disappearing act?” she asked. “Mom said you came downstairs, and then no one could find you.”

  “I told Mom I wasn’t i
n the mood to be sociable,” Jace replied as he stretched out on his bed. The warmth of the house made his frozen cheeks burn. “I went outside instead.”

  “It’s twenty degrees.”

  “So?”

  She sat down on the side of the bed deliberately hard enough to make his head bounce. “So, we used to talk about shit, bro. You know all of my worst secrets, and I know when you’re hiding something.”

  He sucked at lying to his twin, so he said nothing.

  “Does it have to do with Gavin Perez? Don’t think I didn’t notice you both disappeared together.”

  “Is disappearing together an oxymoron?”

  “Don’t change the subject.”

  “Neither of us felt like mingling, so we went outside to talk for a while.”

  She cocked her head to the side. “I didn’t know you were friends.”

  He shrugged, which didn’t work well while lying down. He didn’t know what he and Gavin were. How did you put a label on a guy who made you feel like you were the only person in the world who really mattered? A guy you then blew off in the rudest way possible.

  “Seriously, Jace, you’ve been acting off all month, and I swear to God you’ve lost weight since Thanksgiving. No one loses weight around the holidays, so what gives?”

  “You’re imagining things, Rach.”

  “Bullshit meter has reached maximum allowance.” She drew her legs up onto the bed, then tucked them beneath her and smoothed out her linen skirt. “After everything we went through this summer, how can you not trust me?”

  “I do!” He hadn’t meant to shout that. He sat up and twisted around to face his sister, horrified that she’d think he didn’t trust her. He trusted her with his life and loved her to pieces. They’d been best friends their entire lives—except for that brief, eight-month spat in ninth grade, but he didn’t like to count that. They had been through so much in the last six months.

  In May, less than a week after the end of their freshman year, Rachel had found out she was pregnant. The father was her cheating asshole of an ex-boyfriend whom she’d dumped in late April, and a baby was not in Rachel’s plan. She’d dreamed of medical school since she was six years old and saw her first episode of E.R. on television. Temple was her first stop on a journey she’d planned years ago.