Restoration 01 - Getting It Right Read online

  “I was so confused when I woke up and my parents were there, and I couldn’t talk. Then Carey and Parsons came, and I started remembering it all. I knew I needed to tell them everything I could remember so they could find that van and find the assailant, but they never did. The bastard is still out there.”

  “They tried,” James said. “I pestered Carey until he threatened to have me arrested for interfering in the investigation. I want you to have justice so badly.”

  Nathan’s lips twitched. “We don’t always get justice. Mitchell Spokes didn’t. I probably won’t. I need to find a way to live with that.”

  “Nate, why didn’t you want to see me? I understand you recuperating out of town. I understand needing space between you and here. But shutting me out completely? Was it because of the roof conversation?”

  “That was part of it. I was in pain and upset, and I knew that keeping you away would hurt you. It was cruel, and I’m sorry.” He touched his throat. “I also didn’t want you to see me like that. Torn up. Weak.”

  “Seeing you like that wouldn’t have changed a thing about how I feel about you. I don’t care about the scars. All they mean now is that you survived.” James scooted around to sit next to Nathan, his back against the console. “You survived, babe, and you’re home. We can figure out the rest, right?”

  “I hope so.”

  Nathan put his head on James’s shoulder, the gesture so simple and so intimate and so perfectly them. James slid closer so he could put his arm around Nathan’s shoulders. Nathan leaned into him, arms snaking around his waist, cheek resting on James’s chest. Holding Nathan set everything right with the world, and James soaked it in. Even his hangover seemed to fade away.

  “You said you lied to me about your feelings because you were afraid we’d wreck what we have,” Nathan said after a long, pleasant silence. “I’m afraid to believe in your feelings for the same reason.”

  James pressed a gentle kiss to the top of Nathan’s head, savoring the soft scent of his shampoo. “Sometimes the only way to deal with fear is to jump. Do you really think we can go back to the way things were? To being only friends?”

  “You say going back as though we’ve already become something more than friends. Did I miss that metamorphosis?”

  Okay, point taken. “I shouldn’t have shut you down that night without us really talking this out. So talk to me now. Tell me what you felt when we kissed.”

  Nathan was quiet for an eternity. “The first time, back in college? It was like a kick to the solar plexus. I didn’t understand what it meant, because it wasn’t like it was a real kiss. Just lips touching. And after, I started noticing little things about you, thinking about you differently, and it scared me. I told myself I was imagining things, I kept dating girls, and eventually I had those feelings locked down deep enough where I could forget about them. Life went on.”

  “Until I kissed you on your couch.”

  “I was up half the night thinking about it. About college. About you. And while I was home recovering, I couldn’t think about anything except what it would be like to kiss you again.

  To be with you. I love you, Jay. You know that. I can’t imagine my future without you in it, even if it’s always as best friends. But I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with you too.”

  “But you’ve always been straight. Are you saying you’re gay?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe so. Will me saying the word make this more real for you?”

  “It can’t get any more real.” James swallowed hard, mouth too dry. “Jump with me, Nate.

  Trust me.”

  “I want to.”

  James’s heart thrilled at hopeful words that carried a lingering… “But?”

  “I’m not fine. I punched you in the nose. I don’t want to hurt you again for no reason.”

  “It wasn’t for no reason, and I don’t blame you. I specialize in PTSD and anxiety disorders, remember? I know why you jump and lash out.”

  “Knowing about it and living with it aren’t the same things.”

  “Living with?” He couldn’t resist a tease. “You moving in with me already?”

  Nathan poked him in the ribs. “You’d be so lucky.”

  “Yes, I would.” He carefully pulled Nathan away so he could see him. Stroke his cheeks.

  Nathan closed his eyes, allowing James to skim his fingertips over the flawed skin. To touch the marks that had nearly stolen this man away from him.

  Mine.

  Nathan released a long, shuddering breath. “This is real?”

  “As real as it gets.” For James it was a dream come true.

  “It’s not pity, or you feeling guilty for me being hurt?”

  “No. I swear to you. But I need you to be sure, Nate.”

  “Can I say I’m sure if I’m still a little scared?”

  “Yes, because I’m still a little scared too.”

  “Tell me again?”

  “I love you.”

  Dark brown eyes met his, and Nathan smiled. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.” James’s entire body heated with a feeling he couldn’t describe. Want and need and joy all tumbled together into a single, perfect emotion. He ached to share it all with Nathan, but he wanted—no, needed Nathan to move first this time.

  Nathan wrapped a hand around the back of James’s neck and jumped.

  Chapter Ten

  Nate brushed his lips across James’s mouth, his heart pounding wildly in his chest, every nerve buzzing. James held steady, allowing him to lead. To explore this very new thing that was kissing a man. It didn’t feel much different than kissing a woman, except no woman’s touch had made his insides burn quite like this. No one else made him want to forget caution and fling himself heedlessly into sensation.

  James opened for him, accepting without taking. The tip of his tongue flicked out, caressing Nate’s lower lip. Heat and need and something else, something primal, surged in his blood, and Nate stopped being careful. He took that metaphorical jump, because James wouldn’t let him crash.

  He pulled James forward, into the kiss, and thrust his tongue into his mouth. James rewarded him with a deep, guttural groan and hands in his hair. Holding. Tugging. He slid his tongue around Nate’s, teasing, an erotic dance that filled Nate’s senses with James. The taste of him, the heat of his body, the scent of sweat. So good.

  His cock swelled, well aware of what was happening. Needing this. He managed a glance down. His pulse leaped at the sight of James’s tented boxers—boxers he’d put on backward.

  Probably because some crazy person had been pressing his doorbell and not going away, and he’d stumbled out of bed.

  A bed he’d shared with Elliott.

  The thought struck like ice water, and Nate froze. James pulled back, cheeks flushed, eyebrows slanted in confusion. “Nate?”

  “What about you and Elliott?”

  “There is no me and Elliott. Whatever we did last night, it was because we both needed something. He’s my friend, nothing more. I don’t want him, babe. I want you.”

  Babe. He liked that.

  “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” James said. “I’d be perfectly okay spending the rest of the day just kissing you.”

  Arousal jolted down Nate’s spine and fueled his courage. “Kissing what parts of me?”

  James’s nostrils flared. “Any parts you want.”

  “Can we make out on the couch like horny teenagers?” Like they should have done so many years ago when Nate first felt something.

  The burst of genuine, delighted laughter from James made Nate’s gut tighten.

  “Absolutely we can.”

  James stood and tugged him to his feet. His ribs twinged from the sudden action, but he was walking and then James was supine on the couch in those ridiculously backward boxers.

  Nate crawled on top of him, insanely glad James hadn’t tried to press him down into the cushions. He probably couldn’t have handled that, but this was
good. Stretching his body across James, chest to chest, groin to groin. He rubbed his erection against James’s, and the flash of pleasure that shot up his spine made him groan. He’d never imagined pressing down on a guy like this could feel so amazing.

  Fingers tugged at the hem of his polo, and Nate helped take it off. His lips grazed James’s collarbone on their way back to his mouth. He licked his way past James’s lips, savoring the flavor of him. Hands skimmed his back, rubbing and touching, sometimes wandering up to tighten in his hair. James reversed the kiss, exploring Nate’s mouth, and that was great too.

  Nate could happily make out like this all day, like a pair of teens who’d only just discovered the joy of kissing. And it was joy. Joy and lust and desire and so many other things Nate couldn’t quite comprehend while his cock was that hard. Hard and needing more. He didn’t know how to ask for it, and that worried him. In the past, he’d never been shy about what he wanted in bed.

  In the past, he’d been with women he didn’t love, and he hadn’t been terrorized by a psychopath in the dark.

  He needed this with James. Needed. This.

  He thrust his hips harder, more insistent, and James attacked his mouth. One hand tangled in Nate’s hair, while the other ventured down to squeeze his hip. Urged him faster, harder.

  Everything blurred into their bodies moving together. His climax built, higher and higher.

  Pleasure pooled in his balls, drawing them up tight.

  Nate threw back his head and yelled as his orgasm shattered down his spine. He thrust harder, needing more, needing it to last, damn it. And then James was shouting. Clutching his ass, holding him down. A flicker of fear dimmed beneath the pleasure pulsing through his blood.

  Dampness spread between them. Nate collapsed on top of James and tucked his head beneath his chin. James held him tight around the waist, his chest heaving.

  “Oh fuck, that was good,” Nate whispered.

  James’s chest rumbled with his laughter. “Yeah, it was. Knew it would be with you.”

  “You’d already given advance thought to my frottage skills?”

  More laughter. “Did you really just use the word frottage?”

  Nate snickered and kissed the hollow at the base of his throat, simply because it was there. “Sorry. I guess rubbing off is sexier.”

  “I bet you could make reciting a page from the dictionary sound sexy.”

  “Educational foreplay. I like it.” He shifted his weight a bit, which reminded him of the slick mess cooling in his briefs. “I can’t believe I came in my shorts.”

  “Next time I’ll make sure they’re off before you come.”

  The promise in those words tingled down Nate’s spine. As his adrenaline waned, his ribs reminded him that they’d been broken not so very long ago. “As much as I love squashing you into the sofa, I think my ribs need a break. Um, no pun.”

  They both sat up, and the change in position helped. James’s fingers skated over his stomach. “How are they? The ribs?”

  “Healed but they get sore sometimes. It’ll go away eventually.” He grabbed James’s exploring hand because the touch was messing with his composure. “Mind if I take a shower?”

  James grinned. “Alone?”

  His eyebrows jumped. “How big’s your tub?”

  “Big enough.”

  The spacious master bathroom had room for two people to move around in easily. The tub not so much, but that was okay. James peeled off his sticky boxers and tossed them into an overflowing laundry basket. Nate stared. He’d seen James naked before, but never in an erotic situation, and certainly never after he’d just come. James was still semi-hard, his cock hanging low and heavy against his thigh. Broad shoulders. Defined abs. Good grief, the man was gorgeous, not an extra ounce of fat on his toned body. Not a single scar marring perfectly tanned skin.

  Meanwhile Nate was too thin, his face scarred up, his self-confidence shattered with the first whiff of a chloroformed cloth.

  “Hey?” James cupped his chin, forcing him to look him in the eyes. “Where’d you go?”

  “Back there for a second.”

  James didn’t ask for clarification. He pulled Nate into a hug that was all about comfort, and Nate melted into him. He hated that the past was intruding on what should have been a beautiful thing. He couldn’t pretend it wouldn’t happen again. “I’m sorry,” he whispered into James’s shoulder.

  “Don’t be. Some stuff sticks with you, babe. But you’re safe with me. You know that, right?”

  “Yeah. I do know that.”

  “You comfortable with this? We can take turns.”

  He nearly took option number two, but stubborn pride made him say, “No, together. I want to.”

  “How about I get in first? You join me when you’re ready.”

  “Okay.”

  James plucked an extra towel out of the linen closet and put it on the rack next to his, then bent over to turn on the faucet. Nate admired his ass for a moment. The taut globes, smooth skin, dark crease. The way his balls hung low between his legs. He’d never considered the stark differences from one man’s body to another. He wanted to know every detail of James’s body, and that fact hit him right in the groin. James turned his crank like no woman ever had, and he was desperate to make this work. To make the dream of James a reality he could live with.

  Water temperature set, James disappeared behind an opaque plastic curtain. Nate undid his belt and shoved his clothes off. His briefs had caught most of his come from earlier, leaving his shorts with only a small damp spot. He nudged the briefs to the side, then hung his shorts over the top of the bathroom door to dry.

  Faced with entering the tub, his shoulder locked up, unwilling to reach out and push the shower curtain aside. He was about to take a shower with James. Not a locker room shower with separate streams of water, but an intimate, post-orgasm shower. He could do this. He wanted this. James wouldn’t hurt him.

  The muscles loosened up. Nate slipped into the shower and froze. James stood beneath the spray, facing him, water cascading down his face and chest and legs, and everything else in between. It was a fucking porn star shot, and it was happening live, in front of him.

  Nate swallowed hard.

  James opened his eyes and wiped water away. Without a word, he spun them around so Nate was beneath the hot spray. Nate turned again to face James, the water pounding between his shoulder blades. James leaned in, mouth hovering above his. Nate initiated the kiss, and then he was surrounded by it. By the press of lips and sliding hands and hot water. James was a drug that made everything else go away, until all that existed was them and joy and all-encompassing pleasure.

  Hands cupped his ass cheeks, and Nate jumped. His thickening cock brushed against James’s thigh. James stopped kissing him to glance down, his lips quirking into a teasing smile.

  “Not a bad recovery time for an old man,” James said.

  “Fuck you, you’re older than me.”

  “By a month.”

  “Who’s been plucking out grays since last year?”

  James growled—an übersexy sound that sent Nate from semi to fully hard—and slammed his mouth down on Nate’s. The kiss was relentless, fierce, and Nate’s belly burned with it. He didn’t panic when James turned them, pressing his back to the tile wall, trapping him. The burn was more important.

  Fingers clasped his erection. James swallowed the noise Nate made, then more as he began to stroke Nate. Nate grasped at James’s slippery shoulders. He needed traction, and he had none, so he stopped trying to help and simply felt. Felt the slide of his cock against James’s skin, the way he stroked from root to tip, pausing to rub his thumb over the crown, then down on another slide. Sure of himself and the exact right way to rev Nate up, but not enough to push him over. Not even when he timed the thrust of his tongue with the stroke of his hand.

  Nate wasn’t ashamed of the needy sounds he made, or how he thrust his hips. He was on fire, awake in a way he’d never been befor
e. Sure of this like he’d never been sure of anything else in his life. James licked a path across Nate’s cheek, nibbled his jaw, then bit gently on his earlobe.

  “Oh fuck,” Nate said.

  “Not yet, baby.” James’s voice was a sensual whisper in his ear. “I want to suck you.”

  “God yes.”

  James slid to his knees in the cramped space, water raining down on his neck and shoulders. He licked the crease of Nate’s thigh, and the sensation blasted pleasure through Nate’s abdomen. No one had ever licked him there. Of the few women who’d gone down on him over the years, none had bothered to explore. They’d sucked him hard, then climbed on or rolled over, and slam, bam, sex.

  This was different. This was James discovering his body, tasting parts of him he’d never imagined were sensitive. A lick across his abs. A nuzzle into his navel that made him laugh.

  James grasped the root of his cock with one hand, then flicked out the tip of his tongue, barely grazing the slit, and Nate bucked. A firmer lick made Nate’s thighs shake. And when James sucked several inches of him into his mouth, Nate shot into orbit.

  Nothing, nothing, nothing had prepared him for the feeling of a man who genuinely enjoyed sucking cock going down on him. Any kind of higher thought escaped him, and Nate could only close his eyes and feel. Feel the slide of tongue along his cock, the stroke of fingers, the hand rolling his balls. A symphony of sensation that wanted to break him and set him free all at once, and he didn’t want it to end.

  “Oh God. Oh fuck, Jay.”

  That beautiful heat left, replaced by a hand. Then his cock was pushed aside, and James licked his fucking balls. Sucked one, then the other, switching between them while Nate slowly lost his mind. No one had ever—both. Fucking both of them in his mouth. Nate let out a little scream, a demand, a plea. He didn’t know anymore, didn’t care what he was saying. He needed to come.

  James relented and swallowed his cock down, a smooth stroke to the root that made Nate bellow.

  “Gonna come. Oh shit, Jay, coming.”

  The orgasm crashed over him like rolling thunder, on and on, until he was shaking with it. Shaking from the force of his release, and from James’s constant stroke on his sensitized cock.